How I Even Got Started On This Stuff
Alright, so you’re probably scratching your head, wondering how I ended up diving into the world of “cheesy porn music.” Believe me, it wasn’t on my weekly planner. It all kicked off quite by accident, really. I was messing around, trying to make this really daft little video, a spoof of something or other, and it hit me: “This thing needs some truly awful, super clichéd tunes in the background.” You know, the kind that just screams ‘zero budget’ and ‘highly questionable choices’.
The Big, Awkward Hunt
So, I jumped onto the internet, thinking, “Piece of cake.” Oh, how wrong I was. First things first, actually looking for this specific genre is, well, it’s like walking through a minefield with your eyes closed. You punch in certain phrases, and suddenly your browser history looks like you need an intervention. I wasn’t after that stuff, I was after the music that often goes with that stuff. A crucial difference, but try telling that to a search algorithm, right?
I must have wasted a good chunk of my day, maybe more, just clicking, listening to tiny bits here and there. Most of it was just… well, noise. But then, I started to see the patterns. It was like there was a secret, terrible recipe.
Breaking Down the Cheese Factor
So, what did I uncover? Well, it’s a very particular brand of cheese, this music. Here’s the stuff that kept rearing its ugly head:
- That Awful Smooth Jazz Vibe: A load of it sounds like a saxophone player who’s had a bit too much to drink and is attempting to be seductive but just comes across as half-asleep. Or, even worse, a super cheap keyboard trying its best to sound like a sax.
- So-Called Funky Basslines: There’s usually this attempt at a groovy bassline, but it’s almost always incredibly repetitive and just sort of plods along. Like someone figured out one basic riff and thought, “Yeah, that’ll do for the entire track.”
- Weak, Tinny Drums: The drum machines? Sound like they were fished out of a bargain bin from 1985. Very thin, no oomph, no nothing.
- The Inevitable “Wah-Wah” Guitar: If there’s a guitar in the mix, you can bet your last biscuit it’s drenched in that “wah-wah” effect. Trying to be cool and funky, but mostly just sounding… off.
It’s almost as if they all graduated from the same academy of “How to Craft Music That’s Instantly Forgettable But Somehow Still Recognizable.” And the production? Let’s be real, it’s usually pretty dire. Everything sounds a bit like it was recorded in a cardboard box, or way too sharp, never quite hitting the mark.
My Own Little Disaster (And Why I Threw in the Towel)
I even had a crack at making some of it for my video. I thought, “How tough can it possibly be?” Turns out, trying to make something sound authentically cheesy and bad, but in that very specific, recognizable way, is a lot harder than it looks! My attempts just sounded… rubbish, not cheesy-rubbish. There’s a knack to it, I suppose. A very, very peculiar knack.
I can still picture myself, hunched over my old keyboard, desperately trying to coax that awful, cheap synth-sax sound out of it. My cat just stared at me, with this look that was a perfect mix of bewilderment and deep concern. That was pretty much the point I decided, “Right, perhaps this isn’t the most productive way to spend an afternoon.”
Honestly, the whole adventure was a bit of a weird one. I didn’t use any of that stuff for my video in the end. I just found some royalty-free banjo music. Far less complicated, and the cat seemed to prefer it.
So, What’s the Takeaway?
Well, mostly I figured out that some musical styles just exist in their own bizarre little bubble. And that sometimes, chasing a very specific kind of “bad” can turn into an unexpectedly deep (and slightly awkward) exploration. It also gave me a newfound appreciation for genuinely good funk and properly produced jazz. It’s like they say, you have to wade through the muck to really appreciate the good stuff, eh?
And as for my search history? Let’s just say I gave it a very thorough spring clean. You live, you learn. Or in this case, you listen to a whole lot of questionable synthesizers and then you try your best to erase it from your memory.
