Honestly, my wife and I were this close to calling it quits last winter. We’d fight about stupid stuff – like who forgot to take out the recycling – and it’d blow up into screaming matches. Felt like we were roommates, not partners. Sleeping in separate rooms, whole deal.
The Breaking Point
We hit rock bottom after forgetting our anniversary dinner reservations. Ended up in a parking lot screaming at each other while rain poured down. That night, she googled couples therapy and slammed her laptop down saying “We’re doing this or I’m done.” Booked our first session next morning.
First Session Awkwardness
Walking into that therapist’s office felt like going to the principal. Sweaty palms, avoiding eye contact. Therapist lady made us sit facing each other and do this weird exercise: take turns finishing the sentence “When you ____, I feel ____.” First time in months we actually listened instead of interrupting. Still felt awkward as hell though.
-
The ugly stuff we dug up:
- We realized our fights about chores were really about feeling unappreciated
- Discovered money arguments were actually trust issues from an old financial slip-up
- Admitted we hadn’t had a real date since the kid was born
The Homework Era
Our therapist gave us actual assignments – not kidding. Week one: text each other one appreciation daily. Week two: mandatory 20-minute uninterrupted talking after dinner. Week three: list three things we’d never admit out loud. Felt cheesy as hell but damn if it didn’t work.
Biggest game-changer? The “time out” hand signal. When arguments get too heated, either of us makes a T with our hands. Means we stop cold and revisit in two hours. Saved us from saying things we couldn’t take back.
Where We’re At Now
Took about twelve sessions total. We still argue sometimes but now it’s about fixing the problem, not winning. Last Tuesday I caught myself actually saying “I see why my tone upset you” – never thought those words would leave my mouth. Trust? We’re rebuilding it brick by brick. Still use the appreciation texts every morning. 10/10 would therapy again.
