So, I’ve been mulling over this whole “green flags, red flags” thing for a while now. You hear it everywhere, right? At first, I kinda brushed it off. Sounded like some new-agey jargon, or just common sense dressed up. I figured, you know, some people are good, some are a pain, that’s life.
And honestly, in my younger days, I just stumbled through. Got into situations, jobs, even friendships, where things went south. I’d just think, “Well, that was bad luck,” or “Guess I misjudged that one.” Didn’t really connect the dots, you know? Just took the hits and moved on, mostly.
But then, there was this one gig. Oh boy. Looking back, the red flags were practically waving in my face from day one. But I wanted it, you know? Needed the work, thought I could handle it. Spoiler: I couldn’t. It was a slow burn, a constant drain. Little things at first – promises not kept, a weird way of talking down to people. I ignored ’em. Big mistake.
That whole mess really forced me to sit down and think. Like, really think. Why did I keep ending up in these spots? It wasn’t just “bad luck.” There had to be something I was missing. That’s when I started to actually pay attention to these so-called flags.
Figuring Out My Own Compass
So, I didn’t just grab a list off the internet. That felt too… generic. For me, it became about how things actually made me feel and what the patterns were. I started small, just observing. It wasn’t about grand gestures, but the everyday stuff.
For the red flags, my personal list started looking like this, based on what I’d lived through:
- That gut feeling. Seriously, if something feels off, even if I can’t name it, I listen now. Used to override that all the time. Bad idea.
- The constant talker, never the listener. You know the type. You feel like you’re just there to be an audience. Draining.
- Inconsistency. Say one thing, do another. Or they’re super enthusiastic one day, cold the next. Can’t build anything solid on that.
- Blame game strong. Nothing is ever their fault. Always someone else. That’s a big nope for me now.
- Subtle put-downs. The kind disguised as jokes, or “helpful advice” that just makes you feel small. Nope.
And then, the green flags. These were the things that, when I found them, felt like a breath of fresh air. Again, my own personal discoveries:
- They actually listen. Like, properly listen and remember stuff. Makes you feel seen.
- Consistency, again! But on the good side. You know where you stand. Reliable. Gold.
- Owning mistakes. Nobody’s perfect, right? But someone who can say “My bad, I messed up” – that’s huge.
- Genuine support. Not just saying the right words, but actually being there, cheering you on, even in small ways.
- Respect for boundaries. They don’t push, they don’t pry. They get it.
It’s funny, once I started actively looking, it was like putting on a new pair of glasses. I remember this one project I almost passed on. The guy leading it, during our first chat, he actually paused, asked for my honest opinion on a tricky part, and then really listened. He even admitted he wasn’t sure about one aspect and appreciated the input. Small thing, right? But it was such a green flag compared to other experiences. That project turned out to be one of the best I’ve worked on. Smooth sailing, mostly, because of that mutual respect and open communication.
And on the flip side, I dodged a bullet recently. Someone offered me a “great opportunity,” but during the conversation, they kept interrupting, dismissed a couple of my concerns with a wave of their hand, and spent most of the time talking about their own past glories. My old self would have been flattered by the offer. My new self? Red flags were popping. I politely declined. Best decision ever, probably saved myself a lot of grief.
So yeah, that’s been my journey with this whole flags business. It’s not a science, it’s more like learning your own internal weather system. What feels like a storm brewing, and what feels like clear skies. Took me a while to get here, lots of trial and error, mostly error if I’m being honest. But now, it’s one of the most useful things I’ve learned. Just gotta pay attention to what your own experience tells you.
