So, you wanna know how I keep friendships going? Lemme tell ya, it ain’t rocket science, but it ain’t magic either. For years, I thought friendships just… happened. You meet someone, you click, boom, friends for life. Right? Wrong. So, so wrong.
My Big Wake-Up Call
I had this best mate, let’s call him Alex. We were inseparable back in college. Shared everything, knew each other’s dumbest secrets. Then, life happened. He got a job in another city, I got busy with my own stuff. We promised to stay in touch, obviously. You know how that goes.
At first, it was weekly calls. Then monthly. Then… crickets. Just the occasional “happy birthday” on social media. I figured, eh, that’s life. People drift apart. No biggie. I told myself it was natural, that real friendships don’t need constant hand-holding.
Boy, was I an idiot.
The real kicker came a few years later. I was going through a really rough patch. Like, seriously down in the dumps. And who did I think of? Alex. But then it hit me – I hadn’t really talked to him in ages. Could I just call him up and dump all my problems on him? It felt weird, super awkward. We were practically strangers who just shared a past.
That’s when I realized I hadn’t kept the friendship. I’d let it wither. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t entirely my fault, but it was a shared failure of, well, doing something.
The Awkward Rebuild – My Actual “Practice”
So, what did I do? Honestly, it felt like trying to restart a car that had been rusting in a field for years. My “practice” was pretty clumsy.
- I just picked up the phone. Sounds simple, but man, my thumb hovered over his contact for a good ten minutes. I stumbled through the “hey, long time no talk.” It was awkward. He was surprised. But, he talked.
- I didn’t dump my problems immediately. That first call was just… catching up. Asking about his life. Genuinely listening. It wasn’t about me, not yet. It was about re-establishing some kind of connection.
- I made it a point to follow up. Not like, every day. But I sent a stupid meme a week later that reminded me of an old inside joke. Another call a few weeks after that. Little things. Small efforts.
- I was honest about letting things slide. In one of those later calls, I actually said something like, “Man, I really messed up letting us drift so far apart.” No blaming, just owning my part. He admitted he felt the same. That was a big step.
- I stopped assuming. I used to assume he was too busy, or wouldn’t care. Now, I just reach out. If he’s busy, he’ll say so. No biggie. But I make the effort.
It wasn’t an overnight fix. There were more awkward silences, more “what do we even talk about now?” moments. But slowly, bit by bit, we found a new rhythm. It’s not like college, obviously. We’re different people. But it’s a real friendship again. And when I eventually did share some of what I was going through, he was there. Because we’d rebuilt that bridge.
So, What’s My “Secret”?
There’s no secret. It’s just… effort. Like, actual, consistent, sometimes inconvenient effort.
I learned friendship isn’t a passive thing that just exists. It’s a verb. It’s something you do. You show up. You call. You text. You remember the small stuff. You forgive the big stuff (sometimes). You make time, even when you think you don’t have any.
I used to think that if a friendship was “meant to be,” it would just survive anything. Total BS. It’s like a plant. You gotta water it. Sometimes you forget, and it starts to wilt. Then you gotta work a bit harder to bring it back, if you care enough. Some plants die, sure. Not all friendships are forever. But a lot more could survive if we just, you know, tried a bit more.
That’s my take, anyway. Learned it the hard way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a text to send.
