Okay, let me tell you about the time I tried to figure out this whole “7 Principles for Making a Marriage Work” thing. I saw this title somewhere, maybe on a magazine cover, and thought, “Why not? My marriage could use a little tune-up.” So, I started digging around.
First, I tried to find what these 7 principles actually were. I read through a bunch of articles and stuff, and it turns out they come from this relationship guru named John Gottman. Seems like a smart guy. Apparently, he wrote a whole book about it. It’s not magic but based on what he saw from studying couples for years.
The principles are:
- Enhance your “love maps”: This one’s about really knowing your partner. Like, their dreams, worries, what makes them tick. I started paying more attention to my wife, asking about her day, you know, really listening, not just nodding along.
- Nurture fondness and admiration: Basically, remembering why you fell in love in the first place. I tried to focus on the good stuff about my wife, like how she always makes me laugh, even when I’m in a bad mood.
- Turn toward each other: This one was a bit tricky. It’s about those little moments when your partner reaches out, even in small ways. Instead of ignoring her when she asked me to look at something, I actually stopped what I was doing and paid attention.
- Let your spouse influence you: This one’s about being open to your partner’s opinions. I’m a bit stubborn, so I consciously made an effort to consider her suggestions more seriously, even if I didn’t always agree.
- Solve solvable problems: Some problems have solutions, some don’t. We started tackling the small stuff first, like who takes out the trash, instead of letting it build up.
- Overcome gridlock: These are the big, ongoing issues. We’re still working on this one, but we started by trying to understand each other’s perspectives better.
- Create shared meaning: This is like, building a life together, having shared goals and values. We started planning more things together, like a little weekend getaway, just to reconnect.
It wasn’t easy, and it definitely took some effort. I messed up a few times, forgot to do things, or slipped back into old habits. But you know what? Even these small changes made a difference. We started talking more, laughing more, and just generally feeling more connected. For example, the rule of seven, I tried to understand it although it seems like it’s for the dating part, not for the marriage, but I tried to apply this idea to help us understand each other in a different way.
It’s not like our marriage is perfect now, but it’s definitely better. I think the main thing I learned is that a good marriage takes work, like anything else worthwhile. It’s about putting in the effort, day after day, even when you don’t feel like it. These 7 principles, they’re like a roadmap, a guide to help you along the way. And honestly, it’s worth it. After all, a good marriage is one of the best things in life, right?
