Okay, so the other day, I bumped into this thing called the “Gottman Repair Checklist.” Sounds fancy, right? But it’s actually a pretty neat tool for fixing things up when you and your partner are not seeing eye to eye. I thought I’d give it a whirl and see what all the fuss was about.
First off, I dug into what this Gottman guy was all about. Turns out, he’s some relationship guru who’s figured out that happy couples have this 5:1 ratio thing going on. Five good vibes for every not-so-good one during a spat. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
So, I started by trying to notice when things were getting heated with my partner. You know, that feeling when your heart starts racing and you just want to win the argument? Yeah, that’s the time to pause and take a step back. Gottman’s got this list of phrases, and I picked out a few that felt right. “I’m getting scared” was a big one for me. It’s like saying, “Hey, this is getting out of hand, and I don’t like it.”
My Gottman Repair Checklist Experiment
- Recognize the Signs: First, I tried to catch myself when things were going south. That meant paying attention to my own feelings and body.
- Use “I Feel” Statements: Instead of blaming, I used phrases like, “I feel blamed” or “I’m feeling sad.” It’s less about pointing fingers and more about sharing what’s going on inside.
- Say Sorry: This one’s a classic, but it works. A simple “I’m sorry” can do wonders to cool things down.
- Take a Break: Sometimes, we both needed to just chill out for a bit. “I need to calm down” became our go-to phrase for a timeout.
- Seek Common Ground: “Get to yes” is all about finding something, anything, to agree on. It’s like a little olive branch in the middle of a storm.
I won’t lie, it wasn’t always smooth sailing. Sometimes I messed up, sometimes my partner did. But we kept coming back to the checklist. We even printed it out and stuck it on the fridge as a reminder. I learned a lot about myself and my partner through this. The biggest takeaway? It’s not about being right; it’s about understanding each other and finding a way back to being a team.
And you know what else I learned? That this whole “bids for connection” thing is crucial. It’s like these little moments where you reach out to your partner, and they can either turn towards you or away. We both started making an effort to turn towards each other more often. A small gesture, a kind word, or even just listening without interrupting – these things added up.
So, that’s my little adventure with the Gottman Repair Checklist. It’s not a magic fix, but it’s a solid starting point. If you’re looking to smooth out some rough patches in your relationship, why not give it a shot? I’d say it’s worth a try.
