Okay, so today I dug into this thing called “Gottman’s Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.” You know, trying to figure out this whole relationship puzzle. I’m no expert, but I figured, why not explore and see what all the fuss is about?
Started with Some Basic Reading
First, I grabbed some articles and summaries online about Gottman’s work. Just to get a feel for the main ideas. I didn’t want to dive into a whole book right away, you know? Needed to see if it even resonated with me.
Watched a Couple of Videos
Then, I moved on to YouTube. Found some talks and interviews with the Gottmans themselves. It’s always better to hear it from the source, right? I watched them explain their research and the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” – that sounds dramatic, I know!
Jotted Down Notes and Observations
- Criticism: Not just complaining, but actually attacking your partner’s character. Ouch.
- Contempt: This one seemed like the worst. It’s all about disrespect and looking down on your partner.
- Defensiveness: Basically, not taking responsibility and always playing the victim.
- Stonewalling: Shutting down and withdrawing from the conversation. Like building a wall.
Tried to Apply it to My Own Life (and Past Relationships)
Okay, this is where it got real. I started thinking about my current relationship and even past ones. Where did these “horsemen” show up? It was a bit uncomfortable, to be honest. I noticed patterns, things I hadn’t really paid attention to before.
I am trying to make my relationship heathy,so I am trying to aviod these “horsemen”.
Looked for Practical Tips
It’s not enough to just know the problems, right? So, I searched for some practical advice based on Gottman’s principles. Things like “soft startups” to conversations, building a “love map” of your partner’s world, and practicing appreciation.
Started Practicing (Small Steps!)
I decided to try a few small things. Like, really listening when my partner is talking, instead of just waiting for my turn to speak. And expressing appreciation for the little things, like when they make coffee in the morning. Sounds simple, but it actually takes effort!
Reflected and Journaled
At the end of the day, I wrote down my thoughts and how the day went. What did I try? How did it feel? Did I see any positive changes, even small ones? It’s a work in progress, for sure.
Realized It’s a Long-Term Journey
This isn’t a quick fix. Building a strong relationship takes time and consistent effort. I realized I need to keep learning and practicing. But hey, at least I’m more aware now, and that’s a good start, right?
So, that’s my little adventure into Gottman’s world. It’s definitely given me some food for thought. I’ll keep exploring and sharing my experiences. Maybe we can all learn something together!
