How important is communication in a marriage?
Man, let me tell you, it’s like asking how important is air to breathe. I didn’t always get it, though. It took some real-life fumbling around, and believe me, I stumbled plenty.
Back in the early days, when my spouse and I first got hitched, I kinda thought we’d just… get each other. You know, like we were on the same wavelength automatically. Boy, was I off. We’d have these silly fights, I mean, real blow-ups over stuff that didn’t even matter. I’d say one thing, she’d hear something totally different. Or I’d keep things bottled up, thinking, “Ah, it’s no big deal,” until, bam, it was a HUGE deal. I remember this one time, we gave each other the silent treatment for nearly two days. And what was it about? Who was supposed to take out the dang trash. Sounds ridiculous now, looking back, but at the moment, it felt like a mountain between us.
Things got to a point where it felt like we were just sharing a house, not a life. Like roommates, not partners. And that, that really scared me. I didn’t sign up for that kind of setup. That’s when it hit me: if we didn’t start actually talking, and I mean really communicating, not just making noise around each other, we were steering straight for a cliff. It wasn’t some big, dramatic movie scene, more like this slow, creeping feeling that I was messing things up, or at least, not pulling my weight in the talking department.
So, I figured I had to do something. My first genius plan? Just talk more. Simple, right? Well, “more” just turned into more chances to get things wrong if we weren’t doing it right. I’d try to get my point across, then get all frustrated when she didn’t see it my way instantly. And she’d do the same thing to me. It was a mess, plain and simple.
Then I started to really pay attention. Not just to the words, but how things were said. And even more important, I really, really tried to listen. Not just waiting for my turn to jump in, but to actually hear what she was saying, what was underneath all the words. That was the big turn-around, folks. It changed everything.
- I started making an effort to see things from her side. Why was she upset? What was she really trying to tell me?
- I worked on not interrupting. Let me tell you, that was tough at first! My instinct was always to jump in.
- I learned to ask better questions. Not blaming questions like, “Why do you always…?” but more like, “Can you help me understand what you mean by that?” or “What’s on your mind?”
Knowing this stuff wasn’t enough, though. We had to actually put it into practice, day in and day out. We started small. We made it a habit to have “check-in” chats. Nothing too formal, sometimes just catching up over dinner, but really asking how the day went, beyond the usual “fine.” We both pushed ourselves to be more honest about our needs and feelings, even when it felt awkward or vulnerable. I used to think saying something like, “I feel a bit overlooked lately” sounded weak or needy. Turns out, saying it in a kind way actually opened up a good conversation, instead of letting bad feelings fester and grow.
And arguments? Oh yeah, we still have ’em. Don’t let anyone tell you a good marriage means no disagreements. But they’re different now. We try to tackle the problem together, not attack each other. Sometimes we even have to agree to disagree on something, and that’s okay too, as long as we both feel like we’ve been heard and respected. That’s the key.
So, where are we now? Look, communication isn’t something you just learn once and then you’re set for life. It’s like keeping fit; you gotta keep working at it. Some days it’s easy, flows naturally. Other days, we slip up, get lazy with it, or we’re just plain tired and don’t make the effort. But because we’ve built up that habit, that foundation of trying, we know how to get back on track. We know how to say, “Hey, I feel like we’re a bit disconnected, can we talk for a bit?”
It’s made our marriage so much stronger, way deeper. We understand each other on a whole new level, and we’re a much better team because of it. It’s not always a fairy tale, but it’s real, and it’s built on the hard work of actually talking and, more importantly, listening to each other. So yeah, to answer the question, it’s pretty darn important. More important than I ever realized when we first started out. It’s the glue, really.
