Alright, buckle up, because this is gonna be a bumpy ride. Let me tell you about my experiment – or should I say, my dive into the deep end – dating another avoidant. Yeah, you heard that right. Two commitment-phobes trying to navigate the treacherous waters of relationships. What could possibly go wrong?
It all started innocently enough. I met Sarah at a coffee shop. We were both there, glued to our laptops, clearly avoiding eye contact and any form of human interaction. Ironic, right? But something about her detached vibe resonated with my own. We started chatting online, and the conversation just flowed. We bonded over our shared love of independence, our mutual dislike of clinginess, and our expertly crafted emotional walls.
The early days were… blissfully detached.
We hung out, but it was more like two friends coexisting than a couple dating. No pressure, no expectations, just easy companionship. We did our own things, respected each other’s space, and avoided any serious talks about feelings. It was… comfortable. Too comfortable, maybe?
- First, we went to that new art exhibit. We spent more time critiquing the art than actually connecting. Perfect!
- Then, we tried a hiking trail. We walked side-by-side, enjoying the scenery, but mostly in comfortable silence. Communication? Minimal. Stress? Zero.
- Next, we decided to watch a movie at home. Separate blankets, of course. And zero cuddling. We talked about the plot afterwards in a very detached manner, giving our analysis, it was great!
Then came the inevitable cracks in the avoidant armor.
One day, Sarah mentioned she was going on a trip with some friends. My immediate reaction was… weird. I wasn’t jealous, exactly, but I felt a pang of something akin to… loss? I didn’t want her to go. What the heck was that about?! I bottled it up, of course. I’m an avoidant, remember? Showing emotions is basically a cardinal sin.
But the seed was planted. I started noticing other things. Her lack of communication when she was busy. The way she deflected any attempts at deeper connection. And I realized… I was doing the exact same thing. We were both so afraid of vulnerability that we were actively sabotaging any chance of real intimacy.
So, I made a choice. A terrifying, gut-wrenching choice. I decided to… talk to her. I know, crazy, right?
The Confrontation (of Sorts)
I started by just saying, “Hey, I’ve noticed we both seem to avoid getting too close.” I kept it casual, non-accusatory. Baby steps, people, baby steps.
To my surprise, she didn’t run for the hills. She admitted she felt it too. We talked – a real, honest-to-goodness conversation about our fears, our insecurities, and our patterns of avoidance. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and honestly, a little bit terrifying. But it was also… liberating.
Here’s what happened next:
- First, we acknowledged that we both had avoidant tendencies. Naming the beast was half the battle.
- Then, we started small. We made an effort to be more present when we were together. Put away our phones, made eye contact. Small steps, but they add up!
- Next, we tried being a little more vulnerable. Sharing a fear, a hope, a dream. Again, baby steps.
Did it magically fix everything? Of course not. We still struggled with our avoidant tendencies. We still needed our space. But we were also learning to lean in, to connect, to be a little less afraid of intimacy.
Where are we now?
Well, we’re still together. We still have our moments of detachment, but we’re also more aware of our patterns. We’re learning to communicate, to be vulnerable, and to trust each other – and ourselves – a little bit more. It’s a work in progress, but it’s a journey worth taking.
The takeaway?
Dating another avoidant is like staring into a mirror. It forces you to confront your own issues and to challenge your own patterns of behavior. It’s not easy, but it can be incredibly rewarding. If you’re willing to be honest with yourself, to be vulnerable, and to work on building a healthier relationship, it’s possible to break free from the avoidant cycle. Just remember, baby steps, lots of patience, and a healthy dose of self-awareness. Good luck!
