Alright, let me tell you about this thing I tried out the other day – Gottman communication worksheets. I figured, why not give it a shot? Relationships can always use a little tune-up, right?
So, I started by searching online for these worksheets. I found a few different ones, printed them out, and sat down with my partner. We decided to start with one called “The Four Horsemen”. Sounds dramatic, I know, but it’s basically about identifying some not-so-great communication habits.
Identifying Negative Patterns
We took turns reading through the descriptions of each “horseman” – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Then, we had to honestly assess ourselves and each other.
- Criticism: This one was about attacking character instead of addressing specific behaviors. I realized I do this sometimes, yikes.
- Contempt: This is the nasty one – sarcasm, eye-rolling, basically being a jerk. Thankfully, we don’t do this one too much.
- Defensiveness: Always making excuses, not taking responsibility. We both admitted we’re guilty of this sometimes.
- Stonewalling: Shutting down, refusing to engage. I’m definitely guilty of this when I’m overwhelmed.
After figuring out our problem areas, we moved on to another worksheet, the “Love Map” one. This one was actually kind of fun. It’s all about getting to know your partner better, even if you’ve been together for ages. There were questions about our dreams, fears, favorite things – stuff like that. We spent a good hour just chatting and filling it out. It was actually pretty eye-opening, even for me, and I thought I knew everything about my partner. I found out some new things and so did they.
Practicing Positive Communication
The next step was working on the “Aftermath of a Fight” worksheet. This one was a bit tougher. It’s about processing arguments in a healthy way. We had to recall a recent disagreement and walk through the steps, like describing our feelings without blaming each other, taking responsibility for our part, and figuring out ways to do better next time. It was hard, but also kind of helpful to look at things from a different angle.
Finally, we tried out a worksheet on “Expressing Needs.” This one’s all about using “I” statements to talk about our needs and feelings. So, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you’d say, “I feel unheard when I’m talking about something important to me.” It sounds a bit cheesy, I know, but it actually makes a difference. We practiced with a few scenarios, and it felt weird at first, but we got the hang of it.
Overall, I gotta say, these Gottman worksheets are pretty useful. I feel we communicated better and more deeply when we used these worksheets. They’re not magic or anything, but they do give you some tools to work with. It’s definitely something I’d recommend trying out if you’re looking to improve your communication skills in any relationship, whether it’s with your partner, family, or friends. I’m planning to keep using them with my partner and see how it goes.
