Been meaning to write this down for ages. Felt like drowning lately, y’know? Not literally, but sometimes it hits so damn hard you forget how to breathe normally. Started a few weeks back when every little thing – a loud door slam, a specific smell, even the damn way afternoon light hit the kitchen wall – sent me straight back there. Heart racing, hands shaking, feeling like the floor was gonna swallow me whole. Couldn’t even get groceries without feeling like everyone was staring. Took everything just to push the cart.
How I Realized What Was Happening
Was unloading the dishwasher last Tuesday. Dropped a stupid glass. The CRASH sound… froze me solid. Whole body went cold, then hot, and suddenly I was back in that moment years ago – pure panic. Took me like five minutes leaning against the counter just to remember where I was. That’s when it clicked: this was trauma flooding. It’s not just feeling kinda anxious or stressed; it’s like your past crashes into your present and hijacks everything. Was happening daily.
The Stuff I Tried That Barely Helped
First reaction? Fight it or ignore it. Yeah, that backfired spectacularly.
- Tried to “soldier through” errands. Big mistake. Got halfway to the pharmacy and had to pull over, shaking too hard to drive. Felt like a failure.
- Told myself “Stop being stupid.” Didn’t work. At all. Just piled shame on top of panic.
- Ignored triggers. Pretended that smell didn’t bother me. Yeah, ended up hyperventilating in the bathroom instead. Stupid.
Basically made everything ten times worse. Felt trapped.
The Tiny Things That Actually Started Helping
Got desperate. Started digging online, talked to my sister. Found some basic stuff. Small steps. Real small. Here’s what I physically did:
- First, learned to spot the early signs. For me, it’s sudden tightness in my chest and ringing in my ears. The second I feel that? I physically stop whatever I’m doing. No arguing.
- Then, GET GROUNDED. Right there. My go-to trick? Five things. Seriously. Say them out loud, even if it’s a whisper: “Blue mug. Wooden table. Yellow wall. My hand. My breath.” Forces my eyes to see now. Takes like 20 seconds.
- Put a physical barrier between me and the trigger. Like literally step behind a doorway or a tree. Or hold something cold. Grabbed an ice cube once – the shock snaps you back.
- Scheduled “calm time” even when I felt “okay.” Every afternoon at 3:30, I just sit. No phone. No music. Just breathe slowly for like three minutes. Feels dumb, but it builds the habit so it’s easier when the flood hits.
- Water bottle everywhere. Sounds simple. Sipping cold water helps regulate breathing. Physically interrupts the panic cycle. Keep one handy now, always.
Where I’m At Now
Is it perfect? Hell no. Had a rough patch yesterday. But instead of spiralling for hours? Used the five things trick. Focused hard. Got through it in like five minutes flat. Didn’t ruin my whole damn day. Felt HUGE. It’s not about making the floods disappear magically. It’s about building these little life rafts – things you can actually DO in the moment – so you don’t feel utterly helpless and wrecked afterward. Takes practice. Feels clumsy sometimes. But it’s better than drowning.
