Getting Things Wrong
You know, sometimes you think you get things, but you really don’t. It’s easy to just nod along or assume stuff based on what you see floating around. I had this happen not too long ago, made me feel pretty foolish afterwards, but hey, that’s how you learn, right?
I knew this couple, Sarah and Chloe. Been together for ages, seemed really solid. I saw them around, always looked happy, doing their thing. In my head, I had this picture, probably pieced together from movies or whatever, about how things must be. Like, who proposed, who was the “leader” in the relationship, silly stuff like that. Never said anything, obviously, but the thoughts were there.
One day, I was helping Sarah move a heavy bookshelf. Just neighbourly stuff. We were chatting, taking a break, and somehow we got onto the topic of how they first met and decided to get serious. I made some dumb comment, something like, “So, who popped the question? Always wondered.” I said it lightly, trying to be casual.
Sarah just looked at me, not angry, just kinda thoughtful? Then she chuckled a bit. She said, “You know, it wasn’t really like that for us. We just talked. A lot. About what we both wanted, our future, everything. It wasn’t one big ‘moment’, more like a long conversation that never really stopped until we both knew we were gonna build a life together.”
It hit me then. My brain was stuck on this pre-written script, this template of how relationships have to work. Proposal, roles, all that noise. But they just… talked. Like partners. Figured it out together. It sounds so simple now, but back then it was a real eye-opener.
Made me realise how often we try to fit people into boxes that just don’t match reality. We see a label, like “lesbian couple,” and our brain fills in the blanks with whatever stereotypes or assumptions we’ve picked up. It’s lazy thinking, really.
Since then, I’ve tried to just shut up and listen more. People’s lives are their own stories, not some template you can just apply. Sarah and Chloe? They just did what worked for them. Seems obvious, but sometimes the obvious things are the easiest to miss when you’re busy assuming.
