Alright, so today I’m gonna lay out what I’ve been going through, this whole “trauma of love” thing. It’s not some fancy theory, just what I’ve been doing, my own little experiment, you could say.
First off, I had to actually admit there was a problem. Sounds simple, right? But man, that took a while. I was just sort of… drifting, feeling off, blaming everything else. Then one day, I just kinda looked in the mirror and thought, “Okay, this feeling, this knot in my stomach every time I think about it… that’s what this is.” So, that was step one: just calling it by its name.
Then, I started to just observe it. Like, really pay attention. What made it worse? What, if anything, made it even a tiny bit better? I didn’t try to fix it straight away. I just watched. It was like having this unwanted guest in my house, and instead of kicking and screaming, I just… watched what it did. Where it sat. What it seemed to react to.
After a bit of that, I began to unpack things. This was the messy part. I started thinking back, trying to pinpoint specific moments, specific feelings. Not in a “blame game” way, more like trying to understand the wiring. It was like, “Okay, that happened, and I felt this. Why?” Sometimes I’d just sit and let memories come up. No judgment, just letting them flow. Some days were rough, not gonna lie. Felt like I was wading through treacle.
I also tried to change my routines a bit. The old ways were too tied up with the old feelings, you know? So, small things. Different route to work. Tried a new hobby – nothing major, just something to shift my focus. The idea was to create some new pathways in my brain, I guess. Give the old, worn-out ones a rest.
What I started doing actively:
- Writing stuff down. Just a brain dump. Didn’t matter if it made sense. Sometimes it was just a string of words. Getting it out of my head and onto paper felt… lighter, somehow.
- Talking, but selectively. I didn’t spill my guts to everyone. Just one or two people I really trusted, who wouldn’t just give me platitudes. Sometimes just saying it out loud to someone who listens makes a difference.
- Moving my body. Even just a walk. When my head was too full, getting out and moving seemed to shake some of the crap loose.
- Being kind to myself. This was a big one. It’s easy to beat yourself up. I had to consciously tell myself, “It’s okay. You’re going through something. Be gentle.”
And the thing is, it’s not like there was a magic “aha!” moment and everything was fixed. Nope. It’s been more like a slow thaw. Some days I’d feel like I’d made progress, other days it felt like I was right back at square one. But I just kept at it, kept doing the things that seemed to help, even a little.
So, that’s my practice, my journey with this stuff. It’s ongoing, for sure. But I’m definitely not where I started. It’s about building a different relationship with those past pains, I reckon. Not letting them run the whole show anymore. Just chipping away, bit by bit. That’s been my way through it.
