Okay, so things with my husband, Mark, weren’t, like, bad bad, but they weren’t great either. We were just…coexisting. Like roommates who occasionally bumped into each other in the kitchen. I missed the spark, you know? So, I decided I was going to try and fix it. No idea if it would work, but I was going to give it my all.
Phase 1: Operation “Notice Me, Dammit!”
First, I stopped being a ghost. Seriously, I realized I’d gotten into this habit of just blending into the background. I’d stopped making an effort with my appearance – think messy buns and yoga pants 24/7. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it wasn’t me.
- I started getting dressed in actual clothes, even if I was just working from home. Real clothes, cute ones!
- I put on a little makeup. Nothing crazy, just enough to feel like I’d made an effort.
- I started doing my hair again. Bye-bye, eternal messy bun!
It was weird, at first. He didn’t say anything, but I caught him looking at me a couple of times. Progress!
Phase 2: Rediscovering “Us”
Next, I focused on us as a couple. We’d gotten so bogged down in the daily grind – work, bills, chores – that we’d forgotten how to have fun together. So, I planned some stuff.
- I booked a babysitter (my awesome sister) and made reservations at that little Italian place we used to love.
- I found some old photos of us from when we were first dating and left them out where he’d see them.
- I started initiating little things, like holding his hand while we watched TV or giving him a back rub after work.
- I actively listened when he was talking. No multitasking.
The dinner was amazing. We actually talked – like, really talked – for the first time in ages. And seeing those old photos definitely brought back some good memories. He even smiled! A genuine smile, not the polite one he usually gives the mailman.
Phase 3: Communication is Key (Duh!)
This was the hardest part. I realized I’d been bottling up a lot of stuff, little resentments that had been building up over time. So, I decided to be brave and talk to him. Not in an accusatory way, but just…honestly.
- I picked a good time – not when he was stressed about work or rushing out the door.
- I used “I feel” statements, like, “I feel like we’ve been drifting apart” instead of “You never pay attention to me.”
- I listened to his side of things, too. Turns out, he’d been feeling the same way.
It wasn’t easy. There were a few tears (mostly mine), but it was worth it. We talked for hours, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off both of us.
The Results?
It’s not a fairytale ending. It’s more like…a new beginning. Things are definitely better. He’s started making more of an effort, too – surprising me with flowers, helping out more around the house, actually initiating conversations. We’re laughing more, touching more, connecting more. It’s a work in progress, but I’m feeling hopeful. And, honestly, I feel more like myself again, too. That’s a pretty big win, all on its own.
