Okay, here’s my blog post about my experience dealing with people-pleasing tendencies in relationships:
Alright, so I’ve been doing some serious thinking about how I act in relationships, and I realized I’ve got some major people-pleasing stuff going on. It’s been messing with my head, and I figured it was time to tackle it head-on. I wanted to share what I did, maybe it can help you too.
Recognizing the Problem
First, I had to actually admit I was doing it. That was tough. I started by looking back at past relationships, both romantic and friendships. I noticed a pattern:
- I said “yes” to things I didn’t want to do, just to avoid conflict.
- I apologized constantly, even when I wasn’t wrong.
- I ignored my own needs to make sure everyone else was happy.
- I felt really resentful and drained, but I kept doing it anyway.
It sound familiar? Yikes.
Getting to the Root
Then I needed to learn why am I acting like this. I spent a lot of time, you know thinking, journaling, and even talking to a friend about it, and I realized that some of this stuff came from way back:
- I started to find out that, I always wanted to be the “good kid”.
- I realized that I was super afraid of people being mad at me.
- I learned that sometimes, I didn’t even know what I wanted because I was so focused on everyone else.
Small Steps, Big Changes
I knew I couldn’t just flip a switch and stop, So I started small. Really small. Like, ridiculously small:
- I practiced saying “no” to little things. Like, “Nah, I don’t really feel like pizza tonight” instead of just going along with it.
- I tried to catch myself apologizing when I didn’t need to. Sometimes I’d even bite my tongue (not literally, but you get the idea).
- I made a list of things I actually enjoyed doing, just for me. And then, I did one of them, and I didn’t ask the people around me first.
- I started checking in with myself more. Like, actually asking, “How do I feel about this?” before reacting.
The Hardest Part: Setting Boundaries
This was the big one. Setting boundaries. It felt scary and uncomfortable, but I knew it was crucial. I started by:
- Identifying what my limits were. What was I actually okay with, and what was I not okay with?
- Communicating those limits, as kindly but firmly as I could. It was awkward at first, for sure.
- Sticking to those boundaries, even when it was hard. This was the real test.
Seeing the Results
It wasn’t overnight, and I’m still working on it, but I’ve noticed some real changes:
- I feel less resentful. That’s huge.
- My relationships feel more genuine because I’m being more honest.
- I actually have more energy because I’m not constantly bending over backward for everyone.
- I’m starting to like myself more, which is pretty awesome.
It’s a journey, not a destination, as they say. But it’s a journey worth taking. If any of this resonates with you, I hope my rambling helps a little. It’s tough, but you’re tougher.
