Okay, here is my sharing about “stonewalling vs boundaries”
So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this whole “stonewalling vs. boundaries” thing lately. It’s been a real journey, let me tell you. I started noticing some patterns in my relationships, both with friends and partners, and I just knew something had to change.
I used to be the queen of stonewalling. Whenever things got tough, or a conversation started heading in a direction I didn’t like, I’d just shut down. I’d go completely silent, not responding, not engaging. It was like I built this huge wall around myself, and nobody could get in. I thought I was protecting myself, you know? Keeping myself safe from getting hurt or having to deal with uncomfortable stuff.
But then, I started to realize that this wasn’t really working. I was pushing people away, damaging my relationships, and honestly, I was still feeling pretty lousy on the inside. It was like, I was trying to avoid feeling bad, but I ended up feeling even worse.
- First, I started seeing patterns in how I acted in different relationships.
- Then, I realized I often avoided tough talks by just shutting down.
- I noticed this was making things worse, not better.
That’s when I began to understand the concept of boundaries. At first, I was pretty confused. How could I set boundaries without stonewalling? Weren’t they kind of the same thing? But the more I dug into it, the more I saw how different they actually were.
Setting boundaries wasn’t about shutting people out. It was about figuring out what I needed to feel okay, and then communicating that to the people in my life. It was about saying, “Hey, this is what I’m comfortable with, and this is what I’m not.” It wasn’t easy, not at all. It took a lot of practice, a lot of messing up, and a lot of trying again.
- Started to see that boundaries and stonewalling weren’t the same.
- Figured out that boundaries are about knowing what I need and saying it.
- Realized it was going to take a lot of practice to get this right.
I started small. I practiced saying “no” to things I didn’t want to do. I started expressing my feelings more, even if it was just a little bit at a time. And I tried to be more aware of when I was starting to shut down, and instead of going silent, I’d try to say something like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, can we talk about this later?”
It’s been a slow process, and I’m definitely still learning. But I can honestly say that setting boundaries has made a huge difference in my life. My relationships are stronger, I feel more in control, and I’m not carrying around all that resentment and frustration that I used to have when I was stonewalling.
It’s not always easy, and sometimes I still slip up. But now, instead of seeing those slip-ups as failures, I see them as opportunities to learn and grow. And that, my friends, is what makes all the difference.
Key takeaways
- Stonewalling is like building a wall to avoid tough talks or feelings.
- Boundaries are about knowing what you need and telling others.
- Setting boundaries is hard but helps make relationships better and you feel more in control.
- It’s okay to mess up; just keep practicing and learning from it.
