Alright, let’s talk about this. It’s kinda weird writing it down, but maybe someone else is in the same boat. Things with my wife… they weren’t bad, you know? But they felt kinda flat. Like we were good roommates who occasionally shared a bed. The spark, that feeling of really wanting each other, seemed kinda dim. And I realized, maybe a lot of that was on me.
I got comfortable. Too comfortable. Stopped making the effort I did when we were dating. Figured, hey, we’re married, job done, right? Wrong. Dead wrong. It hit me one day, not like a lightning bolt, but more like a slow realization. I was watching her across the room, busy with something, and thought, man, I haven’t really looked at her in ages. Haven’t really tried to impress her or make her feel special.
So, I decided I had to actually do something. Not just think about it. It wasn’t about some grand gesture. It was about the small stuff, day in, day out.
Here’s What I Started Doing
First thing, I started paying attention again. Like, really paying attention. When she talked, I put my phone down. Turned towards her. Made eye contact. Asked questions. Showed I was actually listening, not just waiting for my turn to talk or zoning out thinking about work.
Then, I tackled the laziness around the house. I just started doing things without being asked or reminded.
- Saw the dishwasher was full? I emptied it.
- Trash needed going out? Took it out.
- My clothes on the floor? Picked them the hell up.
It wasn’t about keeping score. It was about being a partner, pulling my weight, making her life a tiny bit easier instead of adding to her load. She noticed. Didn’t always say something, but I could see the difference.
I also started taking a bit more care of myself. Nothing crazy. Showered regularly, obviously. But maybe put on a shirt that wasn’t ripped or stained when we were just hanging out at home. Shaved more often. Just small signals that I hadn’t completely given up on my appearance. It showed I still cared about how she saw me.
And maybe the biggest thing? Showing appreciation. Saying “thank you” more often. For dinner. For putting up with my moods. For just being her. Sometimes I’d just tell her she looked nice. Or mention something specific I appreciated that she did. Sounds simple, but man, I wasn’t doing it nearly enough.
I tried to initiate some connection too. Not always big date nights, couldn’t always swing that. But maybe just suggesting a walk after dinner. Or rubbing her shoulders for a few minutes while watching TV, without expecting anything else. Just being close.
So, What Happened?
It wasn’t overnight magic. No movie moments with music swelling. But things definitely got… warmer. Better. There was less friction over little things. More smiles aimed my way. More spontaneous touches from her side too, like a hand on my arm or leaning against me on the couch.
We started talking more, about deeper stuff. Felt more like a team again. Like we were truly connected, not just living parallel lives in the same house. She seemed happier, more relaxed around me. And honestly? That made me feel way better too.
It’s ongoing work, for sure. Some days I’m tired or grumpy and I slip up. But I realized being “attractive” wasn’t about having six-pack abs (never gonna happen anyway) or being Mr. Smooth. It was about being engaged. Being thoughtful. Being a good partner she could rely on and actually enjoy being around. It’s about showing her, consistently, that she’s important to me. That we are important to me. That’s the stuff that really matters, I think.
