Okay, so, marriage, right? It’s supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows, but let’s be real, things get complicated. We hit a rough patch, specifically intimacy issues. I’m talking about that spark just… fizzling out. It wasn’t fun.
First, I did what anyone would do: panic. Then, I went into research mode. Started googling, reading articles, you name it. Everything pointed to communication, or lack thereof. So, I figured, okay, gotta talk. Easier said than done, though.
I remember the first time I tried to bring it up. I was super awkward, beating around the bush. He looked at me like I had three heads. Clearly, subtlety wasn’t working. I needed to be direct, but not accusatory. That was the key.
So, I planned a “date night” at home. Pizza, wine, the whole deal. I started by saying how much I appreciated him and how much I valued our relationship. Butter him up, you know? Then I gently brought up the intimacy thing. I used “I feel” statements, like “I feel like we’re not as connected as we used to be.” No blaming, just expressing my feelings. This was crucial.
He was actually pretty receptive, which surprised me. He admitted he’d been feeling stressed with work and hadn’t been prioritizing us. We talked for hours. It was a long, emotional conversation. It wasn’t a quick fix, though. That night was just the starting point.
Next, we decided to actively carve out time for each other. Sounds cheesy, but it helped. We started with 15 minutes a day, just to chat and connect. No phones, no distractions. We also started going for walks together after dinner. Just small things, but they made a difference.
We also tried spicing things up in the bedroom. We bought a book about intimacy exercises (don’t judge!), and honestly, some of them were kinda silly, but they got us laughing and talking. Laughter is seriously underrated. It’s a fantastic connector.
One thing that really helped was focusing on non-sexual intimacy. Holding hands, cuddling on the couch, giving each other back rubs. These little physical touches reminded us that we still cared about each other, even if the bedroom action wasn’t what it used to be.
I also made a conscious effort to appreciate him more. Leaving little notes, telling him how much I admired his work ethic, making his favorite meals. Small gestures of appreciation go a long way. They make the other person feel seen and loved.
It wasn’t a perfect journey. We had setbacks, arguments, and times when we just felt frustrated. But we kept communicating, kept trying, and kept reminding each other why we got married in the first place. It took time, but things got better. We’re not perfect, but we’re definitely more connected now than we were before.
My biggest takeaway? Intimacy issues aren’t about sex, they’re about connection. It’s about feeling seen, heard, and loved. It takes work, communication, and a willingness to be vulnerable. But it’s worth it. Marriage is worth fighting for.
