Okay, let’s talk about this whole love and trust thing in relationships. It sounds simple, right? But man, living it out day-to-day is a different story. I didn’t start out knowing much, honestly. Mostly just went by feelings, which, turns out, isn’t the best compass all the time.
Figuring Things Out the Hard Way
My journey with this really kicked off after a rough patch some years back. Things felt shaky, you know? Like walking on eggshells. I realized I wasn’t really trusting, and maybe not being fully trustworthy either. And the ‘love’ part felt… conditional. Based on good days, maybe?
So, I had to actually start doing something different. It wasn’t like a lightbulb moment, more like stumbling around in the dark for a bit.
- Started by just shutting up and listening more. Seriously. I used to jump in, fix things, give my opinion. I had to consciously stop myself and just hear what my partner was actually saying, or trying to say. It was awkward at first. Felt unnatural.
- Then came being honest. Like, really honest. Not just about the big stuff, but the small annoyances, the fears, the times I messed up. This was super uncomfortable. Felt exposed, you know? But holding stuff in was clearly not working. So, I just started saying it. Sometimes clumsily. Sometimes it led to arguments.
- Had to learn to say sorry. And mean it. Not just ‘sorry you feel that way’, but ‘sorry I did that’. And then, crucially, trying not to do it again. This took practice. A lot of it.
- Showing up consistently. This was big for trust. Doing what I said I would do. Being reliable. Even when I didn’t feel like it. Trust isn’t built on grand gestures, I found. It’s built on all the small, boring, everyday moments of dependability.
Building Blocks, Not Magic Wands
None of this happened overnight. Trust, especially when it’s been dented, takes ages to rebuild. It felt like putting down one brick, then another, very slowly. Sometimes a brick would fall, and I’d have to pick it up and put it back.
Love started to feel different too. Less like a fluttery feeling and more like a choice. A choice to stick around when things got tough. A choice to see the good, even when the bad was right there. A choice to put in the effort, communicate even when it was hard, and forgive.
We had conversations that were difficult. Tears were involved sometimes. Misunderstandings happened. But we kept trying to circle back, kept trying to understand where the other person was coming from. It wasn’t about winning the argument; it became about understanding the issue together.
Where I’m At Now
So, yeah. That’s been my practice. It’s ongoing. It’s not perfect. Some days are easier than others. But the foundation feels solid now. Built not on assumptions or just feelings, but on actual shared experiences, tough conversations, and the deliberate actions of showing up and being real.
Love and trust, for me, became verbs. Things you do. Not just things you have or feel. It’s in the listening, the honesty, the reliability, the forgiveness. It’s work, for sure, but it’s the kind of work that builds something worthwhile. That’s been my experience, anyway.
