So this whole thing started ’cause my partner absolutely inhales her meals. Like, we’re talking fork-down-before-chewing-fast. Saw her grab dinner last Tuesday – plate cleaned in under five minutes. Made me wince. Gotta fix this, right?
The First Disaster Attempt
Jumped straight in Wednesday morning. Thought fancy utensils would magically fix it. Dug out tiny dessert forks and those little sushi plates we got that one time. Figured small plate + small fork = slow eating. Genius, huh? Nope. Watched her demolish oatmeal in record time. She just stabbed the bowl faster with that tiny fork, grumbled about the portion looking sad. Total flop. Felt stupid staring at those crumbs.
Switching Gears
Alright, scratch the utensil theory. Thursday, I tried talking chewing. “Hey, maybe count chews per bite?” She gave me The Look. You know the one. Tried it myself during lunch – made it to bite three before forgetting. Felt like a robot. Pointless. Needed something she wouldn’t even notice fighting her.
Playing With Presentation
Friday dinner, I got sneaky. Chopped her chicken into weird tiny cubes. Mashed the potatoes kinda lumpy. Scattered the peas everywhere. Made it awkward to scoop smoothly. Watched her like a hawk. Took her almost twice as long! She didn’t say anything, just seemed… less frantic. Ding ding ding! Messy food = forced slowdown.
The Chopstick Gambit
Saturday lunch, full send. Threw rice, tiny broccoli florets, and shredded chicken in a bowl. Slapped down chopsticks. “Uh, why?” she asked. Played dumb. “Just trying something!” Saw the struggle. Pincer grip? Forget it. Took forever chasing slippery chicken bits. She actually put the chopsticks down between bites to breathe! Almost fell off my chair. Success tasted like cold broccoli.
Making It Stick (Mostly)
Sunday meal prep was all about chaos. Made:
- Deconstructed tacos – filling separate from shells, extra tiny toppings
- Salads loaded with small, hard-to-stab stuff like cherry tomatoes and nuts
- Rice bowls with ingredients all mixed in, needing chopsticks
Breakfast Monday? Used chopsticks on scrambled eggs mixed with beans. Worked like a charm. Dinner she grabbed tacos – slowed way down assembling ’em. Not perfect. Saw her speed up halfway through the rice bowl. Old habits die hard, man.
What Actually Works (For Now)
- Food Fight: Chop stuff smaller than her fork expects. Make textures fight back.
- Tool Trouble: Chopsticks are gold for slippery, small bites she can’t shovel.
- Assembly Required: Put pieces on the plate, let her build bites. Forces pauses.
Still catches herself speeding up sometimes. Gotta keep the food annoying. Found some Korean side dish ideas help too – lots of tiny, fiddly bites. It’s a grind, but seeing her not choke down food? Worth every chopped veggie.
