Okay, here we go, let me tell you about this whole “expectations from boyfriend” thing I’ve been trying out. It’s been a JOURNEY, lemme tell ya!
So, it all started when I was venting to my bestie about how I felt like my boyfriend, Mark, wasn’t really seeing me, you know? Like, he wasn’t picking up on the little things that matter to me. I felt like I was constantly dropping hints and getting nowhere. My friend was like, “Girl, you gotta communicate! Men aren’t mind readers!” Duh, right? But easier said than done.
I started by making a list. A physical list on paper! I figured, if I couldn’t articulate what I wanted, how could I expect him to deliver? The list wasn’t about demanding diamonds or anything crazy. It was more about feeling appreciated and loved. Things like:
- Help with chores without me having to ask every single time. Like, just see the dishes and DO them, you know?
- More quality time, like actually putting our phones down. We’d be watching a movie, but he’d be scrolling through Instagram. So annoying!
- More physical affection. Holding my hand, random hugs, that kind of stuff. Not just when he wants something!
- Actually listening when I talk, and remembering what I said! I’d tell him about something at work, and the next day he’d have no clue.
Okay, list in hand, I sat Mark down. I didn’t want it to sound like an attack, so I started by telling him how much I loved him and how happy I was in the relationship. Then I was like, “But, I have been feeling a little unfulfilled lately, and I wanted to talk about it.” I showed him the list. He looked a little surprised, but he was actually really receptive.
He said he hadn’t realized I was feeling that way and that he definitely wanted to work on it. He even admitted that he gets easily distracted by his phone (DUH!) and that he could be more attentive. He also said he thought I knew he loved me, so he didn’t think he needed to show it as much. HUGE mistake on his part.
So, here’s where the “practice” came in. I didn’t expect him to change overnight. We started small. I told him, “Okay, tonight, no phones during dinner.” And he actually did it! Then, I started pointing out when he did do something thoughtful. Like, if he unloaded the dishwasher without me asking, I’d say, “Thank you so much! It really makes me feel appreciated when you do that.”
Honestly, it’s been a gradual improvement. There are still slip-ups, of course. He still sometimes forgets to put his phone down, and I still have to remind him sometimes. But the key thing is that he’s trying. And I’m trying too! I’m also making an effort to show him appreciation. I make his favorite dinner, or surprise him with a beer after a long day. It’s a two-way street, right?
The biggest takeaway? Communication is KEY. I know, it’s a cliché, but it’s so true. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Tell them what you need. And be willing to listen to what they need too. It’s not about changing someone, it’s about working together to create a relationship where both people feel loved and valued. And sometimes, a list helps! Who knew?
