My Journey Fixing a Relationship Without Trust
Alright, let’s talk about something heavy. Fixing a relationship when the trust is just… gone. I went through this myself, and it was rough. There’s no magic wand, just a lot of hard work and uncomfortable moments.
First thing, when I found out trust was broken – like, really shattered – my initial reaction was just… numb, then angry. I needed space. I actually told my partner, “I can’t deal with this right now. I need some distance.” It wasn’t a negotiation; it was a necessity for me to even think straight. We barely spoke for a few days. I just needed to breathe and process the hurt without yelling or crying constantly.
Then came the big question: Is this even fixable? Is it worth fixing? I had to seriously sit down with myself. I thought about the good times, the foundation we had before things went wrong. Was there enough left to build on? I decided, yeah, maybe there was. It wasn’t an easy decision, lots of back and forth in my head.
The Really Hard Part: Talking and Listening
Okay, so deciding to try was one thing. Doing it was another. We had to have the conversation. You know the one. No phones, no TV, just us. I had to explain exactly how their actions made me feel. Not blaming, like “You did this!”, but focusing on “When this happened, I felt like…” It was important for me to get it all out without being shut down.
And here’s the kicker: my partner had to actually listen. Like, really listen. Not just wait for their turn to talk or make excuses. They had to acknowledge the pain they caused. A real apology happened. Not just ‘sorry’. It was more like, “I understand I did X, and I see how that hurt you, and I am truly sorry for that choice.” They also had to explain their side, not to justify, but to give context. And critically, they had to commit to changing whatever behavior broke the trust in the first place. Without that commitment, we were dead in the water.
Rebuilding Takes Action, Not Just Words
Talk is cheap, right? The real work started after that conversation. Trust doesn’t reappear just because you talked about it. It needed to be rebuilt, action by action. Here’s what that looked like for us:
- Transparency became key: My partner started being way more open about the specific area where the trust was broken. Not like I demanded constant check-ins, but they voluntarily shared information, showed me things without being asked. It felt like they were actively proving there was nothing to hide anymore.
- Consistency was everything: They had to do what they said they would do. Over and over again. Day after day, week after week. Keeping promises, big and small. Being reliable. Every consistent action was like adding a tiny bit back to the trust bank.
- I had to manage myself: This was hard for me. My instinct was to be suspicious, to check up, to look for signs of trouble. I had to consciously choose to give them space to prove themselves. I had to fight the urge to constantly question their motives. I had to recognize the effort they were making.
- We kept communicating: We didn’t just have the one big talk and assume everything was fine. We had regular check-ins. Sometimes awkward, sometimes difficult. We’d ask each other how things were feeling. If old insecurities flared up (and they did), we talked about it right away instead of letting it build up.
Patience is Not Optional
Seriously, this process took a long, long time. Months. Maybe even over a year before things felt genuinely better. There were good weeks and bad weeks. Times I doubted if we’d ever get back to a good place. Times my partner probably felt frustrated that I still didn’t trust them completely. We both had to be incredibly patient. We had to remind ourselves why we were putting in this effort.
Slowly, very slowly, things started to shift. That constant knot of anxiety in my stomach began to loosen. I started feeling safer, more secure. It wasn’t like flipping a switch. It was more like the sun gradually rising. The trust we have now isn’t the same blind trust as before. It’s different. It feels more real, more earned. It was a hard road, but we walked it together, step by step.
