Okay, so I’ve been messing around with this “repair conversation” thing, and let me tell you, it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. I started by just jumping in, trying to fix things with my partner after a silly argument. Big mistake. It just made things worse, like pouring gasoline on a fire. I realized I needed a plan, a strategy, or something.
My First Attempt (A Total Flop)
- Started with blame: I basically started by saying what I thought they did wrong. Not good.
- Got defensive: As soon as they pushed back, I got all defensive and started listing all my grievances.
- Talked at them, not with them: Yikes. It was a monologue, not a conversation.
So, that was a disaster. I needed to rethink my approach.
The Rethink – Finding a Better Way
I did some digging, you know, googled stuff like “how to have a difficult conversation” and “fixing arguments”. I found some decent advice, and tried to put it into practice. This time, it went a little smoother. I think the Key point is to cool down both of you before start.
- Took a break: Before even attempting round two, we both took some time to cool off. This was crucial.
- Used “I” statements: I tried to focus on how I felt, instead of what they did. Like, “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You always…”. It’s harder than it sounds!
- Actually listened: This was the biggest change. I made a conscious effort to really listen to what they were saying, instead of just waiting for my turn to talk.
- Acknowledged their feelings: Even if I didn’t totally agree, I tried to acknowledge their perspective. Stuff like, “I understand why you’d be upset about that.”
The (Slightly) Improved Outcome
It wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot. But it was better. We actually managed to have a conversation, instead of just yelling at each other. We didn’t magically solve all our problems, but we made some progress. I felt like we understood each other a little better, even if we still disagreed on some things.
It is still proccessing, there is no instant fix that works like magic.
I Learned to use those verbs, and it indeed improved the result.
- Start
- Got
- Talked
- Took
- Used
- Listened
- Acknowledged
I’m still working on this whole “repair conversation” thing. It’s definitely not easy, and it takes practice. But I’m starting to see that it’s possible to have these tough conversations without it turning into a total war. Still got a long way to go, but hey, at least I’m trying, right?
