Okay, so I stumbled upon this thing called the “Gottman Repair Checklist” while trying to, you know, not have the same fight with my partner again. It’s supposed to help you de-escalate arguments and actually fix things. Sounded too good to be true, but I was desperate, so I gave it a shot.
My Experiment with the Gottman Repair Checklist
First, I had to actually find the thing. I just Googled it, honestly. Found a bunch of versions, but they all had the same basic idea: a list of phrases you can use during a fight to calm things down and reconnect.
Then came the hard part – actually using it. We were arguing about dishes, classic, right? I could feel myself getting heated, ready to snap back. But then I remembered the checklist. I took a deep breath (super cliché, I know, but it helped).
I forced myself to say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now,” instead of, “You never do the dishes!” It felt awkward, like reading lines from a cheesy play. But I kept going, picking phrases from the list that sort of fit the situation.
- “I need to calm down.”
- “Can we take a break?”
- “I hear you saying…” (and then I actually tried to repeat back what he was saying, ugh).
- “I’m sorry.” (This one was tough, even if I only apologized for part of the problem).
Honestly? It was weird. My partner looked at me like I’d grown a second head at first. But…it kind of worked. The tension in the room started to dissolve a little. He actually listened to me, instead of just getting defensive.
It didn’t magically solve everything. We still had to talk through the actual issue. But the checklist phrases helped us get to a point where we could actually have that conversation, instead of just yelling at each other.
We didn’t go through the whole checklist, it’s pretty long. I just picked a few phrases that felt relevant at the moment. It was like having a little cheat sheet for arguments, which, let’s be real, is something we could all use. I’m definitely keeping this thing handy for the next inevitable disagreement. It’s not a miracle cure, but it’s a start, and sometimes, that’s all you need. It’s a work in progress for sure.
