So I had this wild idea after talking with my friend Sarah at the coffee shop last Tuesday. She kept gushing about her new boyfriend – perfect gentleman, always opening doors, buying fancy gifts. Sounded too good to be true. Got me wondering: how do you even spot the real deal versus some smooth-talking imposter these days?
The Awkward Setup
Grabbed my notebook first thing Wednesday morning. Wrote “KNIGHT TEST” in all caps across the top page like some detective show. Stalked three dating apps for two hours straight – swiped right on every dude with “chivalry isn’t dead” in their bio. Felt kinda dirty doing it honestly. Ended up with seven matches by lunchtime.
The Carrot Salad Disaster
Set up dates with three guys who seemed promising. First dude shows up Friday night wearing actual shining armor cufflinks. Red flag already. He starts ranting about medieval battle techniques before the appetizers arrive. When he tried feeding me carrot salad with his bare hands “like they did in Camelot,” I faked a phone emergency and bounced.
Wallet Guy Fiasco
Met guy number two Saturday at that new seafood place downtown. Talked nonstop about his Lamborghini that was “in the shop.” When the bill came, he spent ten minutes patting his pockets going “dude where’s my wallet?” like some bad rom-com. Ended up Venmoing him my half just to escape. Blocked him while walking to my car.
The Moment of Truth
Third guy picked me up Sunday afternoon actually driving a sensible Honda. No shiny cufflinks. No Lamborghini stories. Just asked genuine questions about my podcasting work over tacos. Got quiet when I mentioned my grumpy cat needing medicine. Then BAM – pulls out his phone Sunday night asking if he could tag along to my vet appointment Monday morning to “learn about cat care.” Weirdly thoughtful.
Spotting Shiny Armor vs Real Metal
After that whole circus, here’s what stuck:
- Real knights don’t polish their armor – dude number three didn’t brag about holding doors open. Just did it without making eye contact like it was nothing.
- Fakes love performing – the armor cufflink guy kept glancing around to see who noticed his “chivalry”
- Watch what disappears – wallet guy vanished when checks showed up. Cat dude showed up early with coffee at the vet’s office
Left my notebook open on the kitchen counter this whole week. Kept adding notes whenever these guys crossed my mind. Noticed something important Wednesday night while staring at my scribbles – all the real-deal moments were stupidly small things. Like how cat guy remembered I hate cilantro without me saying it twice. Fakes? All big dramatic gestures. Feels obvious now but damn, took three trainwreck dates to see it clear.
