So last week I was scrolling through TikTok around 2 AM – you know how it goes – when I stumbled across this heated comment war between two creators. One called someone a lesbian, the other fired back “I’m QUEER, actually!” and my tired brain just went… hold up. What’s the real difference here?
The Spark That Started It
Next morning, still bugged by that argument, I grabbed my notebook and dumped every definition I found online. Merriam-Webster? Checked. LGBT+ org websites? Checked. Urban Dictionary? Yeah even that garbage. Half the explanations made my head spin worse than cheap vodka. Like “non-normative sexual identity” – come on, people. If my grandma heard that, she’d think we’re building IKEA furniture.
Digging Like a Dog Buried a Bone
I started cornering friends after work. Met Sarah for coffee – she’s been out as lesbian since college. “Lesbian means I’m a woman loving women ONLY. Simple.” Then pinged Alex on Discord – they ID as queer. “Queer? That’s my umbrella. Doesn’t box me into ‘who’ or ‘how many’ I love. Feels… roomier.” Lightbulb moment hit me harder than stepping on LEGO.
Jotted down these key points:
- Queer: Catch-all term. Says “I’m not straight/cis” but keeps the details flexible. Like ordering “surprise me” at a bar.
- Lesbian: Specific. Woman + exclusively into other women. Like ordering a straight-up espresso.
The Messy Part Where I Tripped
Originally, I scribbled “queer = gay + lesbian + bi + everything else.” Dead wrong. My nonbinary pal River set me straight: “Lesbian isn’t a SUBSET of queer?!” They rubbed their temples explaining that some lesbians HATE being called queer – it erases their specific identity. Others embrace both labels. Translation? Always. Ask. The. Person.
Slapping My Draft Together
Banged this comparison out on my kitchen counter while microwaving leftover pizza:
- Queer = BIG tent. Open sign on the door. If you’re not straight/cis? You probably fit.
- Lesbian = Specific seat INSIDE that tent. Women who are into women ONLY claim that spot.
Added giant disclaimers: LABELS BELONG TO THE PERSON USING THEM. Don’t slap “lesbian” or “queer” on others like a price tag.
Why Bothering Matters
Finished my cold pizza realizing something: getting terms right isn’t about dictionary points. It’s about not making someone feel invisible – or trapped. Like when that TikToker yelled “I’m QUEER!”? That was their truth. Screwing that up? It hurts people. And honestly? Life’s too damn short to hurt people over words we can learn.
