Okay so first things first, we – that’s me and my partner – had been kinda circling the idea for a while. Just talks here and there, mostly “what ifs” and “how would that even work”. Neither of us had done it before, so yeah, total newbies.
Step one was the big talk, just us. We picked a super chill Sunday morning, nobody rushing anywhere. Brewed some coffee and just laid it all out. What did we actually want from this? Was it just a sexy experiment? Something deeper? Turns out, we both just wanted to spice things up, try something totally different together. Key takeaway: You gotta be on the same page, no doubts. We talked boundaries hard. Like, what was absolutely off-limits? Kissing? Certain acts? We wrote none of this down yet, just hashed it out loud. Had to pause a couple times when things got awkward or tense, which they did, but pushing through that was crucial.
Next up, the hunt for a third. Apps felt weirdly impersonal, but that’s where everyone seems to be. We made a joint profile, super upfront about being a couple looking for a casual experience with another woman. No blurry pics, no games. Honestly? It was kinda boring and also kinda nerve-wracking. Lots of ghosting. Lots of profiles disappearing after matching. We almost gave up after like two weeks of dead-end chats. Then, bam, Sarah messaged. Seemed cool, laid-back in her pics and profile. Chatted for a few days about normal stuff – hobbies, movies – to see if there was any vibe at all. Messaged as a couple, together. No sneaky solo DMs.
Moving to the meet-up. Not jumping straight into bed! No way. We met Sarah at a busy, kinda loud pub for drinks one Tuesday night. Low pressure. The goal? Check the vibe in person. Talked about anything but sex most of the time. Work, travel, dumb reality TV. See if the conversation flowed naturally. Both of us kept checking in with each other silently with looks. Did she seem comfortable? Were we? It felt… surprisingly okay. Nervous laughs all round, but no red flags.
Setting the rules clearly, finally. After that meet and before anything else, we regrouped just us two. Did we still feel good? (Yes). Then, we texted Sarah the next day, basically: “Hey, had a good time. If we do this, these are our hard boundaries.” We listed them out plain and simple:
- Condoms always, for everything penetrative.
- No recording anything – not even phones in the room.
- Either of us can say the safe word (“Pineapple!”) anytime and everything stops, no questions asked.
- Focus stays kinda balanced between all three, not just one person dominating.
Her reply? “Sounds totally fair.” Phew.
The actual get-ready day. Focused on comfort and easy cleanup. Started early! Cleaned the bedroom top to bottom – fresh sheets, extra towels handy (seriously, grab a bunch), trash can nearby. Put away personal clutter. Stocked the bedside with:
- Water bottles (hydration is key, you laugh but you’ll be thirsty!).
- Lube – more varieties than you think you’ll need. Silicone, water-based.
- Condoms – a whole damn box, different sizes.
- Quick snacks for after – fruit, granola bars.
Showered, but didn’t go crazy trying to smell like a perfume counter. Just fresh. Put on comfy clothes to hang in before things started – no pressure to be in lingerie right away.
Dealing with the jitters. Man, as the time got closer, the nerves kicked in BIG TIME. My partner was pacing. I kept re-folding the towels. We kept asking each other “Is this still a good idea?!” Kept it 100 with each other. Acknowledged the nerves, talked about what felt scary. Almost canceled? Yep. But having that solid foundation from the earlier talks helped us push through. Took some deep breaths. Agreed we’d just take it slow once she arrived.
Sarah showed up. We offered her a drink (just one!), showed her where the bathroom was so she could freshen up, and just tried to hang out in the living room for a bit like the meet-up. Small talk felt forced at first, but we turned on some background music – not cheesy sexy-time music, just normal tunes – and it kinda eased the tension. Eventually, someone (I think it was Sarah, bless her!) just kinda said, “So…?” and we nervously laughed and slowly headed to the bedroom. No dramatic lighting, just a lamp on. Started slow, way slower than any solo hookup. Checked in constantly with looks, little “You good?”s. Didn’t rush a thing. Seriously, slower than you think.
End note? The prep felt like 90% of the work. All those talks, the vetting, the rule-setting, the cleaning… it made the actual experience way less chaotic and more focused on actually connecting. Was it perfect? Hell no, awkward moments popped up. But the groundwork? That kept it safe and surprisingly fun for everyone involved. Our main takeaway? Skip any of those steps and it could easily go off the rails.
