Alright, so I had this thing going on with a coworker. It wasn’t pretty. I’m talking full-on contempt. Every time they walked into the room, I could feel my blood pressure rising. I knew it wasn’t healthy, for me or for the work environment, so I decided to tackle it head-on.
Facing the icky feelings
First off, I had to admit to myself that I had a problem. It’s not easy to acknowledge that you’re harboring such negative vibes, but it’s the first step, right? I started by writing down exactly what was bugging me about this person. I jotted down specific instances, what they did, and how it made me feel. It was like letting all the poison out onto paper. Kind of therapeutic, actually. I let it go for a few days. Then i came back and review my notes, I found some patterns.
Digging deeper, why so negative?
Then I started to dig deeper into why I felt this way. Was it really just them, or was I projecting some of my own insecurities? I did some serious soul-searching. It was uncomfortable, but I realized that some of their behaviors triggered my own stuff. For example, they were super assertive, which sometimes made me feel small because I struggle with that myself. Once I saw that, it was like a light bulb went off. So interesting!
Baby steps, one at a time
I knew I couldn’t just flip a switch and make the contempt disappear. So, I started small. I made a conscious effort to find one positive thing about them each day. It could be something as simple as appreciating their contribution to a project or noticing they made a good point in a meeting. It felt forced at first, but I kept at it. Day by day, it is getting easier to notice their good parts.
Trying to see their side
Next, I tried to put myself in their shoes. What might be going on in their life that could be causing them to act the way they do? Maybe they were under a lot of pressure, or maybe they just had a different communication style that I was misinterpreting. I even tried to subtly ask around to see if others had the same issues, and that was eye-opening, too. What I got from the talking is, I was not alone, but those who doesn’t have feelings against this person, they actually think it’s them who need to adjust, not the person.
Setting boundaries and being the bigger person
Of course, understanding them didn’t mean I had to be a doormat. I started setting clear boundaries. When they did something that crossed a line, I would calmly and respectfully address it. It was tough, but it was important to stand up for myself. I also made a point to be extra kind and professional, even when I didn’t feel like it. Some days I had to fake it till I make it. It is not an easy task, I had to say. I failed a couple of times, and the result was not what I wanted.
The shift, finally!
Slowly but surely, things started to change. My negative feelings started to fade, replaced by a more neutral, and sometimes even positive, outlook. It wasn’t a complete 180, but it was progress. I realized that by focusing on my own reactions and behaviors, I had taken back control of the situation. By writing down my feelings, I gained so much insights of how to shift my feelings.
Keeping it up, it’s a journey
Now, I’m not saying I’m best buds with this coworker, but the contempt is gone. I can work with them without feeling that knot in my stomach. It’s still a work in progress, and I have to remind myself to stay on track sometimes, but I’m committed to maintaining a positive and productive work environment. I’ll keep practicing these strategies and see where it takes me. It’s not a quick fix, but hey, progress is progress, right?
