Getting Into Hockey Madness
Okay so my neighbor dragged me to watch some hockey last week. Total headache. Like, why are they crashing into boards? Who’s this McDavid guy everyone screams about? Felt like watching ants skate. But hey, new hobby idea—let’s make a guide for clueless newbies like me. Grabbed my laptop, some nachos (research fuel, obviously), and dove in.
Staring Blankly at Stats
First stop: NHL’s official site. Holy spreadsheets Batman. Points, plus-minus, time on ice… felt like reading alien math. Scrolled through player pages until my eyes crossed. Highlight? Accidentally clicking Auston Matthews’ pic twenty times because my coffee jittered. Dude’s stats looked like alphabet soup: 65 goals? What’s normal, three?
- Connor McDavid: Speed demon. Videos show him skating like the ice is lava.
- Nathan MacKinnon: Rocky Mountains beard + bulldozer energy.
- Cale Makar: Defense guy? But scores like a forward. Confusing.
- Auston Matthews: Scored more than my ex’s red flags last season.
Youtube Rabbit Hole Disaster
Tried “learning hockey basics.” Big mistake. Fell into compilations of fistfights—so many missing teeth. Then highlight reels: McDavid zig-zagging through five dudes at warp speed. Thought my stream buffered. Nope, he’s just freakish. Bookmarked ten tabs titled “How???”.
Side note: Googled “how long hockey periods” three times. Still forget.
Making the Dummy Guide
Sorted players by “things even my grandma notices”:
- Beards (MacKinnon wins, no contest)
- Hat tricks (Matthews does this before breakfast)
- Speed (McDavid breaks physics)
- Cool names (Makar sounds like a space wizard)
Threw in meme-worthy GIFs: one guy licking his opponent? Yeah. Added beginner tips like “watch the puck, not the fights… mostly.”
Final Meltdown & Win
Spent two hours formatting. Wanted fancy player comparison tables—looked like scrambled eggs. Trashed it. Went old-school: bold names, bullet points, zero jargon. Tested it on my clueless cousin Dave. His review: “Makar’s hair is floofy.” Mission accomplished. Published it, passed out with nacho crumbs on my keyboard.
