Alright, so you’re thinking about getting one of those… uh… contraptions. The sex swing. Sounds like a bit of a laugh, maybe a bit out there. My first thought when the box landed on my doorstep was, “Crikey, did I order a DIY shelving unit by mistake?” The sheer number of bits and bobs inside was something else. Not exactly the sleek, simple device I’d half-imagined from the pictures online.
Finding the Right Spot – The Great Ceiling Joist Hunt
First things first, where on earth do you hang this beast? This isn’t like putting up a Christmas decoration with a bit of sticky tape. Nah, this needs some serious structural integrity. I spent a good hour tapping on the ceiling, trying to find a joist. You know, like they do in the movies when they’re looking for a secret passage. My stud finder was acting all temperamental, beeping when it felt like it, silent when I was sure there was something solid there. It was a proper faff.
- Don’t even think about using just plasterboard anchors. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.
- And that fancy ceiling rose for your light fitting? Nope, not strong enough, mate.
Eventually, I found what felt like a solid beam. Drilled a pilot hole. Seemed okay. Fingers crossed, eh?
The Actual Installation: Sweat and Swears
Then came the main event: actually bolting the mount to the ceiling. The instructions that came with it looked like they’d been translated from Martian, then back into English by a committee who’d never seen the product. Tiny pictures, confusing arrows. I pretty much chucked them to one side and used a bit of common sense, which is always a gamble.
Getting those big lag bolts into the joist, while holding the mount up, balancing on a step ladder… let’s just say it was a workout. My arms were aching for days. There was a fair bit of cursing involved too, if I’m honest. This wasn’t some quick five-minute job. It was a proper project. Dust everywhere. The glamour of it all, eh?
Testing, Testing, One Two Three…
Once it was finally up, I wasn’t just gonna hop on. Are you mad? I hung off it. Pulled it. Got my mate Dave (he’s a big lad) to give it a good old yank. You’ve got to be 100% sure that thing isn’t going anywhere. The thought of it crashing down mid… well, mid-whatever… doesn’t bear thinking about. Safety first, fun second. Always.
Then came the fiddly bit of adjusting all the straps and cushions. Getting the height right, making sure it was comfortable, or at least, as comfortable as hanging from the ceiling can be. It took a bit of trial and error. Lots of little adjustments here and there. It’s not like you just clip in and you’re good to go. There’s a definite ‘getting used to it’ period.
So, The Aftermath…
Looking back, it was a bit more of an ordeal to set up than I initially bargained for. Not quite the ‘easy assembly’ promised on the box. But, once it’s up, and you’ve double-checked everything, and then checked it again, it’s… well, it’s certainly a conversation starter. And it does what it says on the tin, so to speak. Just be prepared to put in a bit of elbow grease and maybe learn a few new swear words during the installation. And invest in a decent stud finder, for goodness sake. Would have saved me a lot of tapping.
