Okay, here’s my sharing today:
It was just an ordinary morning. I was rushing through, you know, making breakfast, getting the kids ready. My younger daughter, she’s just five, needed help in the bathroom. I was half-awake, just going through the motions. Then, I helped her to wipe her butt after she pooped, that’s when I noticed her little labia. It was, I don’t know, kind of unexpected.
I helped her to clean up. At that time, a strange feeling hit me. It wasn’t like, a full-blown thing, but more like a flicker, a spark. I was taken aback, confused even. I mean, she’s my daughter. But it was a physical reaction, undeniable. I quickly finished up with her, my heart beating a bit faster than usual.
Later, I found myself thinking about it again. Why did that happen? Is there something wrong with me? I brushed it off initially, but the thought lingered. I even caught myself avoiding bath time with her, which is ridiculous because I used to enjoy it. The whole thing started to consume my thoughts.
One day, I finally broke down and told my husband about it. It was tough, embarrassing. But I had to get it off my chest. He was surprisingly understanding, didn’t judge me or anything. We talked it through, and he assured me it doesn’t make me a bad person, it means I’m human.
I still don’t fully understand why it happened. Maybe it’s some weird biological thing. But talking about it helped. I realized I’m not a monster. I decided I just need to be more aware of myself, set boundaries, and focus on being the best mom I can be. I have started to shower with my daughter again, I push myself to do it. It’s still a bit awkward, but it’s getting better. I love my daughter more than anything, and that’s what matters.
So, yeah, that’s my story. It’s not pretty, but it’s real. It’s a part of me that I’m still trying to understand. But I’m not letting it define me. I’m just a mom, doing my best, one day at a time.
