Alright, let’s get into this. Talking about moving past an affair… it’s messy, right? Not some neat little checklist. This is just what I actually went through, step by painful step.
First thing, honestly? Pure shock. Felt like I got hit by a truck. Couldn’t really process it. Just walked around in a daze for days. Didn’t wanna eat, sleep was a joke. Everything felt kinda gray and pointless.
Then the anger kicked in. Man, was I mad. Mad at them, mad at myself, mad at the whole stupid situation. Did some yelling when no one was around. Wrote down a lot of really angry stuff I’d never actually say out loud, just to get it out of my head. Crumpled it up, threw it away. Felt a tiny bit better, but still mostly just furious and hurt.
Breaking Down What I Did
Okay, after wallowing for a bit, I knew I couldn’t stay stuck there. Had to actually do something. Here’s the rough order of things I tried:
- Made a Clean Break: This was hard. Really hard. But I had to cut contact. No calls, no texts, no checking their social media (that was the toughest part). Needed space to even think straight. Every time I slipped up and looked, it just ripped the wound open again. So, cold turkey was the only way for me.
- Let Myself Feel It All: I stopped trying to be strong all the time. If I felt like crying, I cried. If I felt angry, I acknowledged it (maybe punched a pillow, whatever worked). Didn’t judge myself for feeling like crap. Gave myself permission to just be miserable for a while. It’s like grieving, you gotta let it happen.
- Talked to Someone Specific: Didn’t blast it everywhere. Picked one friend. Someone I knew wouldn’t just badmouth the other person or give clichés. Just someone who could listen while I rambled and repeated myself. That helped get it out of my own echo chamber.
- Forced Basic Self-Care: Sounds dumb, but when you feel awful, even simple stuff is hard. Made myself shower every day. Made myself eat at least one decent meal. Forced myself to go outside, even just for a short walk around the block. Tiny things, but they kept me from completely falling apart.
- Tried to Understand (Not Excuse): This came much later. Tried to look at the relationship before the affair. What were the cracks already there? What was my part in the dynamic (not blaming myself for the affair, but understanding the whole picture)? This was tricky, didn’t want to make excuses for them, but needed some perspective for myself.
- Rediscovered Myself Slowly: Started doing little things for me. Picked up an old hobby I’d dropped. Watched movies I liked. Listened to music that made me feel something other than sad. Little by little, started remembering who I was outside of that relationship.
- Set Future Boundaries (Mentally first): Started thinking about what I absolutely would not tolerate ever again. What did respect look like to me now? What were my non-negotiables? Didn’t need to tell anyone yet, just needed to figure it out for myself.
Where I’m At Now
Look, it wasn’t quick. It took a long, long time. And honestly? Some days still sting a bit. There’s no magic “over it” switch. But doing those things, day by day, even when I didn’t want to, got me through the worst of it. It was less about forgiving them right away and more about rebuilding me. It’s a process. Still kind of processing, I guess. But I’m upright. I’m moving forward. That’s the main thing I focused on achieving.
