Okay folks, grab a coffee. Remember that communication slump me and the wife hit about six months back? Yeah, that fun phase. Felt like we were talking at each other more than to each other. Saw something online called Married ASL – basically, American Sign Language adapted for couples. Sounded kinda out there, but hey, desperate times.
Starting Simple (& Feeling Ridiculous)
Looked it up. Found basic guides online, nothing fancy. Focused on simple feelings first – the everyday stuff we kept messing up verbally. Picked just three signs to start: “Thank you,” “I’m sorry,” and “Love you.” Figured if that didn’t help, we hadn’t wasted much.
First hurdle? Convincing my better half. Took me a full Tuesday evening over cheap pizza. “We’re gonna learn sign language? Like, with our hands?” She looked at me like I’d suggested becoming circus performers. Played the “it might be fun, just try?” card hard. Finally got a reluctant “Fine, but only three signs.”
Practice session #1 was a comedy of errors. Us two grown adults, standing awkwardly in the living room after dinner, trying to remember which hand movement meant “thank you.” Fumbling fingers. Got the sign for “sorry” and “love” mixed up more than once. Laughed so much it hurt a bit. But honestly? The laughing itself felt good.
Actually Trying It For Real
Took about a week to feel semi-confident. Then came the kitchen moment. She unloaded the dishwasher I forgot about (again). Instead of my usual mumbled “thanks,” I actually signed “Thank You” – clear as day. Proper hand motion and all. Saw her pause washing her coffee cup. Didn’t say anything, just watched me. Felt vulnerable as hell.
Next morning? She signed “Love You” across the breakfast table. Not perfect, a little stiff, but man… it hit different. No words spoken, just that simple gesture. Had a meaning those words sometimes lose through repetition. Had more weight behind it somehow.
The Unexpected Stuff That Stuck
Started noticing the little things:
- Making eye contact naturally. You can’t sign effectively without looking at your partner. Forces you to actually see them.
- The silence isn’t awkward anymore. Before, quiet moments felt tense sometimes. Now? We might be signing “tired” or “later” across the couch. It feels comfortable.
- Simple apologies land softer. Signing “sorry” after snapping feels way less defensive than saying it. It shows effort.
Kept it going. Added a few more signs every couple of weeks: “Listen,” “Be patient,” “Good job.” Things we needed to express but often forgot in the heat of the moment.
Where We’re At Now
It wasn’t magic, didn’t fix everything. But six months in? It changed something fundamental. Got us paying attention to each other again in a very simple, physical way. Forces you to slow down for half a second. The sign itself becomes this tangible little expression.
Was it a bit silly at first? Absolutely. Felt weird learning hand signals like toddlers. But the big surprise? How powerful those little physical signs became. A quick “thank you” across the room when words would get lost. An “I’m sorry” signed when voice wouldn’t come. It added this layer of intention we were missing.
Wife says it best: “It feels like you’re actually trying to understand, not just waiting to talk.” And honestly? That’s worth feeling a bit ridiculous for. If you’re stuck in that communication loop, just starting stupid simple might surprise you.
