Last year, me and my partner kept having these dumb little fights, you know? Like arguing about loading the dishwasher the “wrong” way, or whose turn it was to walk the dog. Just… crap piling up. Felt like we were becoming roommates instead of partners. So I was like, “Enough of this blah blah,” grabbed some coffee one rainy Tuesday, and actually hunted down some simple stuff I could try. Not the fluffy “communicate better” nonsense, but real actions. Here’s what I actually did.
The Three Tricks I Actually Stuck To
First up, the “daily crap dump.” Sounds gross, but it’s simple. Every single evening, right after dinner cleanup, we plop down on the couch for exactly 10 minutes. No TV, no phones. Just talk about ONE tiny annoying thing we did that day that bugged the other person. No fixing allowed. Just whine. Like, “Hey, when you left your wet towel on the bed this morning, it made me feel like you don’t care.” Or, “Yeah, well, you totally ignored my text about grabbing milk.” That’s it. Listen, nod. Done. We started doing this maybe two months ago.
Second trick: “Weird little favors.” Started doing this around week three. Once a week, without being asked, you gotta do one small, weirdly specific thing you know the other person secretly appreciates but never asks for. Stuff like:
- I filled up her car gas tank on Sunday night because she hates doing it before work.
- She cleaned the coffee grinder completely because the leftover grounds bug me.
- I bought that stupidly expensive cheese she likes just to have it in the fridge.
- She reorganized that tangled mess of chargers next to my desk.
No fanfare, no “LOOK WHAT I DID!” Just do it and shut up.
What Actually Happened (It Was Messy)
Honestly? Felt super awkward at first. That “daily crap dump”? First week was brutal. We both sat there staring at the floor like teenagers. Took days before we could spit out something minor without sounding accusatory. Nearly quit by day five.
The favors thing backfired initially too. Like week two, I replaced her favourite worn-out bath mat as a “favor.” Turns out, it was worn out because she actually loved it. Got me a proper eye-roll and a “Where’s my gross mat, idiot?” We learned: Don’t fix what ain’t broken. Stick to the known, minor annoyances.
But slowly, things shifted. By last month, the 10-minute gripe sessions got shorter. Seriously, sometimes it’s only a minute because we couldn’t even think of something to complain about. We started laughing more during them – like “Seriously, the only thing bothering me is you breathing so loud right now.” Dumb, but fun.
And the favors? It’s become this weird scavenger hunt. Finding those tiny opportunities feels good. Didn’t magically stop all arguments. Last Tuesday we still blew up over the grocery bill. Difference was, we bounced back faster. The constant low-level irritation? Mostly gone.
So yeah, simple tricks work. But only if you actually do them, awkwardness and screw-ups included. It ain’t grand gestures. It’s filling the gas tank and whining about wet towels. Stuck to it? Best thing I’ve done for us in years. Still mess up sometimes, though.
