So, you want to hear about the “Californication Awards,” huh? It wasn’t some big fancy Hollywood thing, not at all. It started out as a bit of a laugh, really, something I cooked up for my own little corner of the world.
I just thought, wouldn’t it be fun to acknowledge some of the, let’s say, unique things you see around? Not in a mean way, more like a nod to the everyday absurdities. My first idea was super simple. I was going to:
- Come up with a few silly categories. You know, like “Most Enthusiastic Dog Walker” or “Loudest Leaf Blower at Dawn.”
- Make some ridiculous homemade trophies. Think spray-painted pasta shapes glued to a block of wood. Seriously.
- Maybe just hand them out with a note, get a few chuckles. Low-key, no fuss.
Then things got a bit… weird.
I made the mistake of mentioning it to a couple of folks. Just casually. Next thing I know, Brenda from down the street, who fancies herself some kind of event planner after watching too many reality shows, she gets involved. Suddenly, my little pasta trophies weren’t “aspirational” enough. Aspirational! For a joke award!
Then came the suggestions. “We need a theme!” someone said. “What about ‘Malibu Chic’?” someone else chimed in. I was thinking more “Goodwill Glam,” if you catch my drift. My simple list of categories got overhauled. “Loudest Leaf Blower” became “Excellence in Suburban Soundscaping.” I kid you not. Someone even wanted to sell tickets. Tickets! To watch me give out a macaroni medal!
I tried to pump the brakes. “Guys,” I said, “this was supposed to be a bit of fun, not the Oscars for our cul-de-sac.” But it was like trying to stop a runaway avocado toast trend. The whole thing just started to feel slick and a bit empty, all surface and no substance. That genuine, quirky spirit I was aiming for? Poof. Gone. Replaced by this need to make it look like something it wasn’t. It got all… Californicated, for lack of a better word.
I remember sitting there with my glitter glue and a half-finished “Most Optimistic Gardener Despite Obvious Squirrel Sabotage” award, and Brenda’s on the phone talking about “press releases” and “influencer outreach.” For a neighborhood gag! I just couldn’t. It was too much.
So, what happened to the “Californication Awards”? Well, my version of them never really saw the light of day. I think Brenda and her crew tried to put on some kind of glammed-up version, but I heard it was mostly just them patting each other on the back. I just sort of… backed away slowly. Sometimes, you just gotta let things go when they stop being what you intended, right? It’s a shame, though. I still think that pasta trophy for the leaf blower guy would’ve been a hit.
