Okay so this week my partner and I decided to try experimenting with consensual sleep stuff after reading a little about it. Figured I’d share how it actually went down and what we learned, warts and all. Not gonna lie, it felt super weird planning this out.
Setting The Stage (Literally)
First, we spent like a whole evening just talking. Not about the sexy bits, but about the practical stuff. We agreed we’d try it on a Saturday night with nothing planned Sunday, so zero pressure. Made sure we both had a clear head – no drinks, no sleepy meds. That was rule number one. Super important.
Then came the awkward part: figuring out the actual “how.” We talked about what she might do if she woke me up that way, and what I might be okay with. We landed on her just touching me gently, maybe kissing my neck, hands moving slow. Kinda basic, nothing too wild for a first try. The big rule? If I pushed her hand away even slightly or mumbled “no” even softly, she’d stop immediately. No questions. And vice versa – I had to promise the same if the roles got flipped someday.
We kept two bottles of water on the bedside table. Sounds dumb, but talking makes your mouth dry, especially nervous talking! Also decided the dim lamp would stay on super low the whole night. Not mood lighting, just enough to see each other’s faces properly.
The Actual Night
We went to bed like normal, did our usual snuggle for a bit. Both feeling a bit giggly and awkward, honestly. Eventually settled down. Took me forever to actually fall asleep because my mind was racing. “Will this work? Will it be creepy? What if I kick her?” Yeah, overthinker here.
Must have drifted off eventually. No idea how long I was out. What happened? I woke up because… sensations. Felt really warm breath on my neck and shoulder. Then a hand, like, slowly tracing up my side under my sleep tee. Then fingers sliding gently across my belly. Kinda ticklish but also nice? It was this weird, hazy feeling. Brain still mostly offline.
I was half-conscious, groggy as hell. She was kissing my neck now, super soft. The hand kept moving slow, no rush. My sleepy brain finally caught up. I felt… interested? Turned on? Not scared, not startled. Just… into it? That surprised me. I mumbled something like “Mmm…” and shifted my body towards her a little instead of away. That was her sign I guess. She kept going slow. Everything felt fuzzy and warm and disconnected from normal daytime thinking. Really hard to describe. It wasn’t super intense; more this lazy, drawn-out feeling. Kinda dreamlike. Eventually things escalated naturally from there.
Safety Stuff That Matters
Looking back, what made it okay? The prep work. Huge.
- Clear Rules BEFORE Sleeping: That “push away means stop” thing? Absolute bedrock. You need zero ambiguity when half-asleep. Talking while both dead tired? Terrible idea. Sober, relaxed evening chat was key.
- Checking In: She whispered “You good?” like two minutes in. I grunted “Yeah.” Later, during a pause, I managed “You okay?” She squeezed my hand. Basic, vital check.
- Lights On Low: The dim light wasn’t sexy, but essential. We could see each other’s faces, see body language instantly. Pitch dark? Would have felt way more uncertain.
- Start Simple: Gentle touch worked. Anything more complex? Forget it when sleep-brained.
- Know Your Triggers: Both had some history. We knew specific things to avoid entirely, even sleepy. Non-negotiable.
The Morning After
Woke up kinda clinging to each other, sweaty palms, all sticky. Laughed about the awkwardness of planning it. Felt surprisingly close. Asked again how we both felt during and after. Zero weird vibes. Just honest talk over coffee.
Honest take? It was unexpected and strange and surprisingly cool for us. Worked this time. BUT it felt risky, even with all our prep. It depends SO much on knowing your partner deeply and absolutely trusting them, and them trusting you. Without that iron-clad trust and tons of pre-talk? Wouldn’t touch it. Seriously. Your mileage? Will definitely vary.
