Okay, let’s talk about this. It’s not easy, but sharing helps, right? This whole journey through a marriage that kind of… lost its spark, physically speaking. It creeps up on you.
How It Started Feeling Different
At first, I didn’t really register it consciously. Life gets busy. Work, maybe kids, house stuff, just the daily grind. You’re tired. He’s tired. It’s easy to brush off the lack of intimacy. You think, “Oh, it’s just a phase.” We’d go to bed, maybe a quick peck goodnight, and then roll over. Days turned into weeks.
Then the weeks started stacking up into months. That’s when I really started noticing. It wasn’t just being tired anymore. There was a shift. Avoidance, maybe? Excuses became more frequent. Headaches, too much work stress, staying up later than me. It felt like intentional distance was building.
The Internal Spiral
This is where it got tough inside my own head. Self-doubt hit me like a ton of bricks. I started questioning everything about myself.
- Was I not attractive anymore?
- Did I gain weight?
- Was I boring?
- Was something wrong with me?
I spent way too much time analyzing past interactions, wondering if I’d said or done something wrong. I’d look in the mirror and just feel… inadequate. It’s a really lonely feeling, thinking you’re the problem. You’re lying next to the person you married, the person who is supposed to desire you, and feeling completely alone and unseen.
Trying (or Not Trying) to Talk About It
Bringing it up felt incredibly vulnerable. Like, laying your deepest insecurity bare. I tried a few times, gently at first. “Hey, I miss being close,” or “Is everything okay between us?”. Sometimes it led to a brief, awkward conversation that didn’t really resolve anything. Often, it was brushed off or deflected. “Don’t be silly,” or “Everything’s fine, just stressed.”
That rejection, even in conversation, stung badly. It made me hesitant to try again. So, often, silence took over. You build this wall between you, brick by brick, with unspoken feelings and unanswered questions. The physical distance bleeds into emotional distance. You stop sharing other things too because the core connection feels frayed.
The Broader Impact
It wasn’t just about sex anymore. That lack of intimacy seeped into everything. I felt less like a wife and more like a roommate, or just a co-parent if kids were involved. Simple affection, like holding hands or a random hug, started feeling forced or just disappeared altogether. It made me feel touch-starved, craving connection.
My overall mood took a hit. I felt irritable more often, sad sometimes for no apparent reason other than this underlying ache of rejection. It chipped away at my confidence in other areas of life too. Feeling undesirable in your own home is a heavy burden to carry around.
Where Things Landed (For Me)
Eventually, I realized I couldn’t keep basing my self-worth on his actions or lack thereof. It was eating me alive. I had to start finding validation within myself. I threw myself into hobbies, spent more time with friends who made me feel good, focused on my career, or just took better care of my own well-being.
It didn’t magically fix the marriage issue, that’s a whole other process, sometimes involving counseling, sometimes involving difficult decisions. But taking steps to rebuild my own sense of self was crucial. Recognizing the profound effect it was having was the first step. Understanding that feeling undesired, lonely, and confused is a common experience for women in this situation helped me feel less alone in the struggle. It’s a tough road, and figuring out how to navigate it takes time and a lot of inner strength.
