Well, honey, let me tell you, love ain’t easy. Sometimes it feels like you’re carryin’ a sack of rocks uphill, both ways, in the snow. And sometimes them rocks are from your past. You know, old hurts that just keep on hurtin’. So, you ask, “Am I too traumatized to be in a relationship?” Ain’t nobody can answer that but you, but I can tell ya what I’ve seen in my time.
See, sometimes you get so used to hurtin’ that it feels normal. Like that old chair with the broken spring. You know it pokes you, but you sit in it anyway ’cause it’s familiar. That’s what trauma does. It makes hurt feel familiar. And then, when someone comes along and wants to love you, it feels… strange. Like wearin’ shoes that don’t quite fit.
You start to wonder, “Can I even do this? Can I be in a relationship?” It’s like tryin’ to plant seeds in hard, cracked ground. You gotta work at it. You gotta soften that ground up first.
One big thing I see is folks gettin’ easily triggered. One minute you’re fine, the next you’re back in that old hurt. Like a sudden storm brewin’ up out of nowhere. Someone says somethin’ that reminds you of the bad times, and BAM! You’re right back there. Makes it hard to trust, you know? Hard to believe that this time, things might be different. Your past relationships all done you wrong. And now, every time someone gets close, you’re waitin’ for the other shoe to drop. It’s a hard way to live, always expectin’ the worst.
- You’re always scared they’re gonna leave.
- Every little thing sets you off.
- You can’t seem to let anyone get too close.
And that’s the thing about trauma, ain’t it? It makes you want to build a wall around your heart. Keep everyone out so they can’t hurt you again. But a wall keeps out the good stuff, too. Keeps out the love. Keeps out the happiness. You are just scared all the time.
Lies, lies and more lies! That’s what some folks been through. And when you been lied to so much, it’s hard to believe anythin’ anyone says. You start lookin’ for the hidden meanin’ in every word. You start thinkin’ everyone’s got an angle. You become suspicious of your partner’s behavior.
Some folks, they just shut down. They don’t talk about their feelin’s. They keep it all bottled up inside. Like a jar of preserves that’s been sealed too tight. And all that pressure, it builds and builds. Eventually, somethin’s gotta give.
I remember this one fella, he had a childhood rougher than a cob. Never knew his daddy, and his mama… well, she wasn’t around much. He was always on his own to figure out life’s questions. He learned early on not to trust nobody. Carried that with him into every relationship he had. Ruined them all. Took him years to realize he was doin’ it to himself. He was just so afraid of being hurt that he messed everything up before anyone else had a chance to.
And when you been through somethin’ real bad, somethin’ that just shook you to your core, it changes you. It changes how you see the world. It changes how you see yourself. You might have been abused. You might have gone through a terrible event. It changes your relationship patterns, too. You’ve been hurt so many times that you don’t know what a good relationship is supposed to be like.
But here’s the good news, honey. Just ’cause you been through the wringer don’t mean you’re broken forever. You’re not some old porcelain doll that has a broken arm, just waiting to be tossed in the trash. It just means you need a little mendin’. A little patchin’ up. And you need to understand that it’s okay to ask for help.
Your body, it remembers the bad stuff. Even if your mind tries to forget, your body remembers. It goes into that survival mode. Fight or flight, they call it. Makes you all tense and jumpy. Makes you feel disconnected. Like you’re watchin’ the world through a dirty window. Makes it hard to connect with people, even the ones you love. Even the best person, the person who just wants to love you right, might not be able to break through that.
Relationships after trauma, they take work. More work than most, maybe. But they ain’t impossible. You gotta be willin’ to face your demons. Gotta be willin’ to talk about the hard stuff. Gotta be willin’ to let someone in, even when it’s scary. And it is gonna be scary. No doubt about it. But it can also be beautiful. And don’t forget, you need to be kind to yourself. You have been through a lot. It’s okay to take things slow. It’s okay to have bad days. Just don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on love.
You ever see an old tree that’s been struck by lightnin’? It’s scarred, sure. But it’s still standin’. Still growin’. Still reachin’ for the sun. You can be like that tree, honey. Scarred, but not broken. Stronger than you think. It’s a long road, but you can get there. Just gotta keep puttin’ one foot in front of the other. And remember, you ain’t alone. There are folks out there who understand. Folks who can help. You just gotta find ’em. And if you are willin’ to do the work, you can have a good relationship. You can find love. You can be happy. Two people with trauma in their past can be a good couple. It won’t be easy, but it can be done.
So, am I too traumatized to be in a relationship? Only you can answer that, sugar. But I hope you know that you’re worth the effort. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. Don’t let the past steal your future. It’s your time now, honey. Go on and live it. You got this. I know you do.
