So yeah, people hear “submissive” and immediately jump to the bedroom stuff, right? Makes sense, but I’ve been playing with this idea that it’s got way more juice outside those four walls. Like, a way to chill and connect differently. Here’s how my Tuesday went trying it out.
Started Simple: Just Shutting Up
First thing in the morning, decided to try a listening experiment. Normally, chatting with the barista Sarah while grabbing my coffee? I gotta jump in with my own story. Not today. Focused entirely on her. Smiled, nodded, genuinely paid attention without trying to steer the convo. Harder than it sounds! Felt damn weird not immediately offering my opinion when she mentioned her cat was sick. Just kept listening. Her body language totally changed – shoulders relaxed, eyes brighter. She looked… relieved? Maybe just appreciated not having to navigate my input. Dunno. Felt powerful in a quiet way.
The Traffic Jam Test
Commute’s usually my personal rage cage. Someone cuts me off? Instant horn blare, middle finger reflexes are sharp. Today? Took a deep breath. Decided to yield. Purposefully. Let three cars merge ahead of me in a nasty slowdown. Not because I had to, just… chose to. Accepted the delay. Instead of gripping the wheel tight, arms were loose. Checked the rearview – the guy behind looked pissed initially, then kinda confused? When I waved him in front too, he gave a hesitant wave back. Weirdly… calm? Getting to work took longer, but I wasn’t buzzing with anger for once. Just… arrived.
Group Project? Hold My Tongue
Afternoon team meeting about the new marketing push. Loads of ideas flying, everyone talking over each other. Felt the familiar urge to bulldoze my brilliant plan through. Instead, consciously took the backseat. Told them upfront: “Okay guys, I wanna really listen and understand your angles first before jumping in.” Actively practiced not interrupting, genuinely absorbing their points – even the shaky ones. Body posture? Relaxed back in the chair, no finger-pointing. Didn’t agree silently with stuff I thought was dumb! But held back the instant counter-arguments. Said “tell me more about that” a couple times. The vibe shifted. Less chaotic. Towards the end, when I shared thoughts built on theirs? Heads actually nodded. Felt like real collaboration, not combat. Win.
At Home: The “Yes Chef” Thing
Wife was making dinner, kids were screaming about homework. Usually, I’d swoop in trying to “fix” everything, maybe override her plan for the veggies. Nope. Stood in the kitchen doorway. Asked, “What can I do to help exactly how you need it?” Let her direct. “Set the table exactly here.” “Help with math homework right now, just explain this one problem.” Focused purely on executing her instructions simply and efficiently. Took conscious effort to let go of my “better” way to lay the forks. Felt surprisingly respectful. She didn’t have to fight me for control in her kitchen flow. Smoother. Less friction.
So, What Stuck?
- It’s NOT about being a doormat. It’s an active choice to yield in the moment. You decide the boundaries.
- Deep listening is surprisingly hard. Takes real effort to shut off the internal chatter and truly receive.
- Takes the pressure off constantly leading. Seriously reduced my general stress levels letting go of that “must control” feeling.
- Creates different connections. Felt Sarah the barista felt seen. Wife felt respected without me needing to “lead” dinner. Team felt heard. That matters.
Not gonna lie, it’s counterintuitive to how we’re usually wired. You gotta fight the urge to take over or jump in defensively. But peeling it away from the sexual context? There’s something potent here about conscious yielding. Simple presence instead of dominance. Still figuring this crap out, but damn, it feels like discovering a hidden gear.
