Well, well, well, some folks been asking, “Is masturbating wrong?” Let me tell you somethin’, honey. Back in my day, we didn’t talk about these things. But times, they are a-changin’, ain’t they?
Now, I ain’t no doctor, but I’ve lived a long life. I’ve seen a thing or two. And I’ll tell you what I think about this whole masturbating business. Some folks say it’s wrong. Some say it’s the devil’s work. Some folks say it will make you go blind, give you the shivers, or make hair grow on your palms.
Is masturbating a sin? Hmm. I heard some folks say it is. They say the good book frowns on it. But I also heard that the good book don’t say nothin’ about it directly. So, who’s to say? I reckon it’s between you and your maker.
I heard it’s natural, like eatin’ when you’re hungry or sleepin’ when you’re tired. Your body’s got needs, right? And sometimes, you gotta take care of those needs yourself. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with takin’ care of yourself, is there?
Masturbating, they say, can be good for you. I heard it can help you sleep better. Like a warm glass of milk before bed. And I heard it can ease your worries. Like a good, long cry. Is it bad for you? Probably not. It is like eating too much sweet potato pie. Too much of a good thing, ya know?
- They say it can help with that prostate problem. What is prostate? I don’t know. Sounds like some fancy city problem.
- I heard it makes you feel good. Like winning at bingo.
- Some say it can help with your… your… you know… your love life. Keeps things runnin’ smooth, like oilin’ a rusty gate.
But listen here, too much of anything ain’t good. If you’re doin’ it all day, every day, and you ain’t gettin’ nothin’ else done… well, that ain’t right. You gotta live your life, too. You gotta work, you gotta eat, you gotta see your friends and family. Don’t let it take over your life, ya hear?
Some folks worry it will make you not want to be with a real partner. I don’t know about that. Seems to me like apples and oranges. But I reckon it depends on the person. Some people just love apples, and some folks love oranges. And some like both.
Masturbating ain’t gonna hurt nobody. It ain’t like stealin’ or cheatin’ or lyin’. It’s just you, and you. You ain’t botherin’ nobody. So, why all the fuss? Now, is it healthy to be masturbating all day? Probably not.
There is no right or wrong way, they say. Just be yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be respectful to yourself. Your body is your temple, honey. Treat it right.
Now some say it is not normal. What is normal, anyway? Everyone is normal in their own way. I used to think eatin’ chicken feet was normal. Some folks think it is weird. So?
If you are a woman, and you do it, is it wrong? No. Men and women, we are all the same under the skin. We all got the same feelings, the same needs. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
At the end of the day, it’s your body. It’s your choice. Don’t let nobody tell you what to do. But be smart about it, okay? Don’t let it rule your life. And don’t let it make you feel bad about yourself. You’re a good person, no matter what. Just live your life, and be happy, is that too much to ask?
So, is masturbating wrong? I reckon that’s for you to decide. Just remember what I said: everything in moderation. And be kind to yourself. That’s all that matters. Now, go on and get yourself a nice cup of tea. You deserve it.
And one last thing, if it makes you happy, and it ain’t hurtin’ nobody, then what’s the harm? Just don’t talk about it at the dinner table, okay? Some things are best kept private. Like your unmentionables. Keep those private too.
