Okay, so I’ve been diving deep into this “intensive couples counseling” thing, and let me tell you, it’s been a real rollercoaster. My partner and I, we’ve been together for years, but lately, things have been…rocky. Real rocky. We decided to give this a shot, and I figured I’d share my experience, because honestly, it’s been pretty wild.
Getting Started
First off, finding the right therapist was a whole ordeal in itself. We looked at a bunch of online profiles, read reviews, and even did a few of those “introductory calls.” It felt like dating, but for therapists! We finally settled on someone who seemed experienced and, importantly, didn’t sound like they were going to judge us.
The Deep Dive
These sessions? Intense. Like, seriously intense. We started by filling out these massive questionnaires, individually, about our relationship history, our communication styles, our “love languages” (which, honestly, I thought was a bit cheesy at first), and basically everything else you could think of.
The First Session was tough. We were sitting there, trying to explain our issues, all of these built up resentments started pouring out. It was like opening a can of worms, you can never put them back! The therapist was good, though. She helped us navigate the conversation, making sure we both felt heard, even when we were basically arguing in front of her.
The Work
After the initial explosion, things started to get a bit more structured. We talked a lot about communication patterns. We even learned some specific techniques, like “active listening” and using “I” statements instead of “You” statements (which, apparently, is a big deal). One of the first thing we try is “active listening”.
- For example, instead of saying, “You always leave your dishes in the sink!”, I had to learn to say, “I feel frustrated when dishes are left in the sink.”
Sounds simple, but it’s surprisingly hard to do in the heat of the moment!
We also dug into our pasts – our childhoods, our previous relationships, all that stuff. Turns out, some of our current issues were rooted in things that happened way before we even met each other. Who knew?
The Breakthroughs (and Setbacks)
There were definitely moments where I felt like we were making progress. We started to understand each other better, to see things from the other person’s perspective. There were some real “aha!” moments, where I realized how my own actions were contributing to the problems.
But it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. There were also times when we backslid, falling back into old patterns, getting into the same old arguments. It was frustrating, and sometimes I felt like giving up. But we kept going, kept working at it.
Where We Are Now
We’re still in the process. It’s not like we went in and came out “fixed.” It’s more like we’ve been given a toolbox of skills and insights, and now we’re learning how to use them. It’s ongoing work, and it’s not always easy. But I do feel like we’re in a better place than we were before. We’re communicating more openly, and we’re more aware of our own triggers and patterns. It’s a journey, for sure, but one I think is worth taking. We’re learning to fight fair, and that’s a huge step.
