So I noticed my girlfriend had this weird pattern. Whenever I’d mention feeling tired or needing space, she’d totally shut down. Like full-on panic mode. Cold shoulders, teary texts at 2 AM – whole nine yards. Felt like walking on eggshells constantly.
The Confusing Part
I started tracking these moments. Made a shitty spreadsheet on my phone: date, what I said, her reaction, how long it lasted. Examples:
- Me: “Not feeling movie night, need early sleep” → Her: 4-hour silent treatment
- Me: “Can we talk about rent split?” → Her: Vanished for 6 hours, ghosted calls
- Me: “Your mom called me three times today” → Her: Angry paragraph about me “hating her family”
Googling Like Crazy
Found RSD articles while down the mental health rabbit hole one night. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. Lightbulb moment. Showed her next day. She looked like she saw a ghost: “That’s… exactly it. My brain screams you’re abandoning me when you say no.”
My Terrible Experiments
Started tweaking how I said things. Still messed up constantly:
- Wrong: “Can’t do dinner Thursday” → Full shutdown
- Less wrong: “Thursday’s rough – raincheck for Friday? Need you with me for [specific thing she likes]” → Grumpy but okay
- Failed: “Your cooking experiment kinda burned…” → Nuclear meltdown 💥
- Progress: “This sauce has potential! Wanna try roasting the peppers next time?” → Actually smiled (!!!)
Took months. She started naming the feeling: “RSD flare-up.” Sounds clinical but helped us detach – like pointing at thunder instead of blaming each other for rain. We still fight about other stuff obviously, but that soul-crushing shutdown thing? Down 80%.
Gross Realizations
1) I used more cushion words than a damn Ikea showroom
2) Acknowledging her fear FIRST was key: “Not rejecting you, just tired right now”
3) She got a therapist, I stopped bottling up stuff to “avoid meltdowns” – led to bigger blowouts later
4) This wasn’t me “fixing” her. She managed her reactions, I managed how I gave hard news
5) Yeah we cringe at the “RSD” acronym but damn if it didn’t save us
