Alright, let’s talk about asking for job referrals. Specifically, asking the same person more than once. Man, it feels awkward.
So, I was on the job hunt a while back. You know how it is. Sending resumes into the void doesn’t always cut it. People always say, “Network! Get referrals!” Okay, fine. I decided to really lean on my contacts.
I reached out to a friend, let’s call him Alex. He works at a company I was really interested in. The first time I asked, it felt pretty normal. I explained I was looking, saw a specific role that looked like a fit, and asked if he’d be comfortable referring me. He was cool about it, said “Sure, send me your resume,” and did it. Felt good, proactive.
Didn’t get that job. Okay, happens. A few months later, another role popped up at the same company. Again, it looked like a decent match. But this time, asking Alex again felt… different. Kinda weird. I hesitated for a day or two. Felt like I was going back to the well too soon. Was I being annoying? Was it putting him in an awkward spot?
I eventually did it. I sent him a message, trying to be super casual, like “Hey Alex, sorry to bother you again, but saw this other role…”. I made sure to tailor my reasoning why this one was a fit, trying to show I wasn’t just spamming him. He was nice about it again, but I couldn’t shake that feeling of being a bit of a pest.
Then, believe it or not, maybe six weeks later, another relevant position opened up there. My first thought wasn’t excitement, it was dread. Asking Alex a third time? Ugh. I seriously considered just applying cold. It felt really bad now. Like, seriously taking advantage of his goodwill. What must he think? That I’m desperate, or only hit him up when I need something?
I spent way too long composing a message I wasn’t even sure I’d send. Does this make the friendship transactional? Am I burning a bridge just by asking too much?
- First ask: Felt okay, standard networking.
- Second ask: Felt awkward, slightly pushy.
- Third ask: Felt genuinely bad, like I was being a user.
In the end, I think I sent a very apologetic, very brief message, basically saying “No pressure at all, totally understand if you can’t or don’t want to, but saw this…” He did refer me again, bless him, but the whole process left a bad taste in my mouth.
It just highlights how tricky this referral thing can be. You want to use your network, but you don’t want to be that guy who keeps asking the same person over and over. It definitely made me rethink my strategy, maybe spread the requests out more, or find different contacts within the same company if possible. It’s a tough balance, trying to get ahead without making your friends feel used.
