Honestly, I’ve seen so many yoga influencers pulling off that crazy triceratop pose all over social media. Always thought it was impossible for regular folks like me until this morning when I figured – screw it, let’s try anyway. Grabbed my dusty yoga mat from the closet corner first thing after coffee.
Warming Up Like A Granny
Didn’t wanna snap anything important so I spent like 20 minutes doing these basic stretches. Made sure my knees felt greasy loose and rotated my hips like stirring giant soup pots. Sweat started dripping when I did that awkward butt shuffle stretch everyone pretends is graceful.
The Awkward First Attempt
Started on all fours like a confused puppy. Pushed both elbows hard into the mat till my forearms went purple. Tried lifting one leg like that expert tip said – big mistake. Almost face-planted when my knee slipped sideways. My cat looked judging AF.
- Fixed it by: Putting folded towels under my elbows (game changer!)
- Another tip: Pretended my hands were glued to the ground
- Major realization: My core is freaking useless noodles
Getting That Third Leg Up
Once I stopped fighting gravity, that leg lifting thing actually worked on the fifth try! Focused on clenching my buttcheeks like holding coin money. Leg wobbled worse than drunk flamingo but didn’t collapse. Still got the ugliest version you’d ever see.
Held it for maybe three Mississippi’s before crashing down gasping. Whole shaky leg situation made me realize why beginners need spots – nearly kicked over my water bottle.
What Actually Helped
Besides elbow towels, putting my phone sideways against the wall showed how crooked my back was. Breathed like blowing birthday candles slow instead of panic puffing. Who knew butt muscles mattered so much for arm balances?
Epic Fail But Progress
Crawled off the mat with noodle limbs after twenty damn tries. Couldn’t hold pose longer than kid’s attention span but got air under one leg properly. Back muscles feel like chewed bubblegum now but already planning tomorrow’s session. Gotta reinforce that coffee table corner first though…
