Well, I never thought I’d be talking about this kind of thing, but I guess folks are curious. So, here it goes, how to measure your penis. You see, the young’uns these days, they’re all about size, size, size. In my day, we didn’t worry so much about these things. But, alright, let’s get down to it.
Gettin’ Ready to Measure
First things first, you gotta make sure the thing is, you know, standing at attention. Penis size can’t be measured when it’s all tucked in and hiding. It’s like trying to measure a noodle when it’s all curled up. So you gotta make sure it’s ready for inspection.
Now, you’ll need something to measure with. Some folks use a ruler, some use one of them tape measures, like what you use for sewing. Measuring penis ain’t rocket science, but you want to be somewhat accurate.
- Get it hard. Can’t measure if it ain’t hard.
- Get a ruler or a tape measure.
- Make sure you can see the numbers.
Measure Your Penis Length
To measure your penis size, you gotta start at the base. That’s where it connects to your body. Now, some people, they try to push the ruler in, thinking it makes it look bigger. That’s cheating, honey. Don’t do that. Just rest it gently against your body.
Then, you measure all the way to the tip. That’s the very end, the little head part. You measure along the top, not the bottom. The top is what counts when you’re talking about how to measure your penis.
Make sure you read the number right. Don’t be squinting and guessing. If you need your glasses, put ’em on. This ain’t the time for guessing games.
- Start at the base. Where it meets your body.
- Measure to the tip. The very end.
- Measure along the top.
- Read the number carefully.
Measuring Around – Girth
Some folks, they want to know how thick it is, too. That’s called girth. It’s like measuring around a tree trunk. You need a tape measure for this, not a ruler. A ruler won’t bend, see?
You wrap the tape measure around the thickest part. Usually, that’s somewhere in the middle. Don’t squeeze it too tight, now. Just wrap it snug, like you’re hugging it. Then you read the number where the tape meets.
- Use a tape measure. A bendy one.
- Wrap it around the thickest part.
- Don’t squeeze too tight.
- Read the number.
What the Numbers Mean for Penis Size
Now, I hear tell the average penis size is about 5 inches when it’s all, you know, ready. When it’s soft, it’s about 3 inches. But everyone’s different, just like how some folks are tall and some are short. It is about how to measure your penis properly. Don’t go adding extra just to make yourself feel better. And don’t worry if you’re a little smaller or bigger than average. It’s like shoe sizes, everyone’s got a different fit.
And the girth, well, the average is said to be around 4.5 inches. But again, everyone’s different. Some are thicker, some are thinner. It’s all part of nature’s variety. Measuring penis is just to know, not to compare.
Don’t Get All Worked Up About It
This whole penis size thing, it ain’t worth losing sleep over. It’s just a number, like your age or your height. It don’t define you. And honestly, most folks don’t care as much as you might think. It’s like worrying about the size of your ears. Sure, some are bigger, some are smaller, but they all hear just fine.
How to measure your penis is easy, but don’t let it become an obsession. There are more important things in life than measuring your manhood. Like being a good person, being kind, and having a good laugh.
Just Be Yourself
In the end, it’s all about being comfortable in your own skin. Whether you’re big, small, or somewhere in between, it’s all good. Just be yourself, and don’t worry about what others think. And remember, size ain’t everything. It’s about how you use it, as they say. And by “use it,” I mean, you know, be a good partner, be respectful, and all that. So, there you have it. That’s how you measure that thing. Now go on and do something more interesting, like bake a pie or something.
I hope this was helpful, in a strange way. Just remember, love yourself, be happy with who you are, and don’t get hung up on numbers. Life’s too short for that kind of nonsense. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I hear my kettle whistling. Time for some tea.
