My Journey with “You or Loved and Cared For”
You know, for a long time, I thought that phrase, “you or loved and cared for,” was just how life worked. Like, you either picked yourself, or you poured everything into making sure others felt loved and cared for, and maybe, just maybe, you’d get some of that back. Mostly, it felt like I was doing the pouring.
I remember this one stretch, a few years back. Man, it was rough. I was in this situation, let’s just say it demanded everything. All my time, all my energy. I was supposed to be the one keeping things afloat, the one making sure everyone else was okay. And I bought into it. Thought that was my job, my role. If I just cared enough, loved enough, worked enough, then things would be good, and I’d feel valued, right? Loved and cared for, even.
- Woke up tired.
- Went to bed exhausted.
- Barely had time to even think about what I needed.
And the kicker? The more I gave, the more that was expected. It was like a black hole. I kept thinking, “Surely, someone will see I’m running on fumes. Surely, someone will offer a hand, some real care.” But nope. Just more demands, more expectations. I felt like one of those old phone batteries, you know? The ones that drain super fast and take forever to charge, if they even charge at all anymore.
Then came the crash. Not a literal one, thankfully, but an internal one. I just… stopped. Couldn’t do it anymore. I was sitting there one day, staring at a wall, and it hit me: this “loved and cared for” part? It wasn’t coming. Not from where I was looking for it, anyway. It was all “them,” and “you” – meaning me – was just a tool to get them what they wanted.
So, my “practice” started. It wasn’t pretty.
First, I had to actually admit I was the one letting this happen. Tough pill to swallow, that one. I’d spent so long blaming the situation, the other people. But I was the one saying yes when I meant no. I was the one prioritizing their comfort over my sanity.
Then, I started small.
Real small.
Like, taking a full lunch break. Sounds stupid, right? But it was a revolution for me.
Then saying “no” to extra stuff. God, that was hard. The guilt was immense. People weren’t happy, of course. Suddenly, the ever-reliable tap was running a bit dry. Some got angry, some got confused. Some just found someone else to drain.
There were days I thought, “This is too hard. Maybe it’s better to just go back to how it was.” Being the “caring” one, even if it killed me, felt familiar. This new way felt selfish, alien. But I’d also look back at how miserable I was. And that was the fuel.
It took a long, long time. And it wasn’t some magic fix. I lost some connections. Good riddance to most of ’em, if I’m being honest. The ones who only valued what I could do for them. But I also found out who really did care. And more importantly, I started learning to care for myself. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it’s true.
Now, when I think about “you or loved and cared for,” I see it differently. It’s not always an “or.” Sometimes, you gotta pick “you” first, so you even can be loved and cared for in a way that doesn’t suck you dry. And so you can love and care for others without losing yourself. It’s a balancing act, for sure. Still practicing that one every day. But at least now, I know “you” has to be in the equation, not just an afterthought.
