Alright, been sitting on sharing this one for a bit. It’s personal, kinda nerve-wracking, but hey, sharing the real stuff is what this blog’s about, right? So yeah, Julie and I, we’ve been together for like 8 years now. Solid. But lately… sparks felt kinda routine, you know? Watching some movie scene triggered this whole “what if” conversation late one night.
The Idea & Initial Freak Out
Honestly, it started as a half-joke. “Ever think about adding a third?” I mumbled it during some random movie night scene. Julie just kinda paused the movie and gave me that look. You know the one. Like, “Did you seriously just say that?” My stomach did a backflip. Classic case of foot-in-mouth disease. Backpedalled immediately: “Kidding! Totally kidding! Forget it!” Tried to laugh it off. Awkward silence reigned supreme for a solid 15 minutes after that. We just pretended to watch the damn movie. Felt like the longest 2 hours ever.
The Real Talk Phase (Like, Actually Talking)
Couldn’t shake the idea though. Kept popping back up. Finally grabbed coffee the next Saturday morning, nice and casual. Deep breath. “Hey, remember that dumb thing I joked about? The… adding someone else?” Julie just sipped her coffee. Slow. Uh-oh. Panic rising. But then she just said, “Yeah? What about it?” Okay, green light? Maybe? Probably not.
Started babbling: “Look, it was dumb, I know, but… part of me wasn’t entirely joking? Not like I have a plan or anything! It was just… a curiosity thing? Maybe?” Focused on our vibe: “We’re good, right? Solid? This isn’t about fixing anything. Honestly just… wondering what it’d be like, us together with someone else? Feel like I messed up bringing it up.” Total honesty. Felt like puking.
- Emphasized it was JUST an idea floating around in my head.
- Swore nothing was missing with her.
- Asked if it freaked her out completely.
- Promised zero expectations, just talking.
Waited. Felt like an eternity.
Her Reaction & The Back-and-Forth
Julie didn’t yell. Didn’t leave. Big win already. Her face was kinda… thoughtful? Then she smiled, small one. “Okay. So it’s not just you thinking wild thoughts? Good. Freaked me out a bit when you joked, yeah. Thought you were unhappy.” HUGE relief washed over me. Not doomed! We actually talked properly then.
- We agreed rules would be essential IF it ever happened: no friends, clear signals needed, either can nix it anytime.
- Talked about jealousy – how it might pop up, how we’d handle it. No sugarcoating.
- Weirdly felt closer after? Just talking that openly about something scary.
Took weeks, honestly. Little chats here and there, checking feelings. Made it super clear it was just exploring a possibility, nothing definite.
Finding “The One” (Sort Of)
Neither of us knew anyone we’d dare ask! Went online. Nerves city again. Created a joint profile on an app, very clear we’re a couple looking casually for a potential third. Chatted with a few people, felt weirdly like online dating combined with a job interview? Some flakes, some weirdos. Then met Kim online. Chill. Asked all the right questions about boundaries. Met for drinks, just vibing. NO pressure.
The Ask & The Actual Thing
After meeting Kim a couple times for coffee/drinks, just talking, all three of us, the vibe felt genuinely good and relaxed. One night after Julie and I got home, we were like, “So… Kim?” We both agreed. Next time we met Kim, before drinks even arrived, I kinda just blurted it out (smooth, I know): “Hey, we really like hanging out. And… well, if you’re interested, we’d be up for taking this beyond just drinks sometime?” Kim just grinned. “Took you long enough!”
Still took planning. Set a date. Discussed everything again: safety words (seriously, do this), hard limits, protection. Nervous excitement all around.
The night itself? Honestly? A blur of nerves and adrenaline at first. But the groundwork talking paid off massively. Checking in, laughing, communicating. Was it perfect? Nope. Awkward moments? For sure. Hot? Absolutely. Did we feel connected? Shockingly, yes.
Aftermath & Now
Talked IMMEDIATELY after, all three of us. Then Julie and I talked for hours after Kim left. Processing. Checking feelings. Any jealousy? Surprise? Turns out, mostly just tired and buzzing!
Here’s the raw takeaway: The talking before, with your partner, is like 95% of it. Not some smooth pickup line. You gotta be ready for them to say HELL NO. Respect that. If it’s a shaky yes? Wait. Talk more. Build that fortress of communication first. Mine started with a terrible joke and almost choked on my own panic. You gotta just dive into the awkward conversation if the idea is bouncing around in there. Zero shortcuts.
