Okay, so I ran into this situation a while back – a 10-year-old kid who was super glued to their mom. Like, couldn’t do anything without her. It was impacting school, playtime, everything. So, I figured I’d try a few things and see what stuck. Here’s what went down.
First things first, I observed. I just watched them interact for a bit. Noticed when the kid got clingy, what triggered it, how the mom reacted. It was pretty clear the kiddo got anxious when separated from mom, even for a few minutes. Mom, bless her heart, was trying to be supportive but also seemed a little worn down by it all.
Next, I chatted with the mom. Privately, of course. I wanted to get her perspective. Turns out, this had been going on for a while, but it got worse after a family move. She was doing everything she could think of, but nothing seemed to really break the cycle. We talked about the importance of setting boundaries, even though it’s tough. I emphasized that supporting the child didn’t mean enabling the attachment. We brainstormed a few ideas for small, manageable steps.
Then came the “separation missions.” These were tiny, planned activities where the kid would be away from mom for a short time. Like, literally five minutes to start. We started with the mom staying in the same room, but the kid doing something independently across the room – like drawing, or reading. Then, we gradually increased the distance. Mom would go to the kitchen, then the backyard, then a quick trip to the mailbox. We used a timer, so the kid knew exactly how long mom would be gone. Knowing it was temporary seemed to help. We made sure to praise the kid every single time they successfully completed a “mission.” Big time praise. Stickers, high-fives, the works.
We also introduced a “worry box.” This was just a decorated shoebox where the kid could write down their worries about being separated from mom and “deposit” them. It gave them a physical way to deal with their anxiety. Mom would read the worries later (when the kid wasn’t around) and come up with strategies to address them – like talking about how capable the child was, or reminding them of fun activities they were doing.
We worked on building the kid’s independence in other areas too. Simple things like getting dressed, packing their own lunch, or choosing their own outfit. Giving them choices, even small ones, helped them feel more in control and capable. It was all about boosting their confidence. Each successful step was celebrated, reinforcing the idea that they could handle things on their own.
Finally, we focused on positive reinforcement. Whenever the kid did something independently, even something small, we made a HUGE deal out of it. “Wow, you packed your lunch all by yourself! That’s amazing!” It sounds silly, but it worked. The kid started to associate being independent with positive feelings, and they became more willing to try new things without mom. Mom also made sure to reward herself after each small separation, that way she felt good too!
It wasn’t an overnight fix, that’s for sure. There were definitely some tears and tantrums along the way. But, by gradually increasing independence, addressing anxieties, and showering the kid with praise, we saw a real shift. The kid became more confident, more willing to try new things, and less dependent on mom. It took time, patience, and a whole lot of encouragement, but it was totally worth it.
