So this all started when I kept waking up at 3 AM thinking my partner was gonna leave me. Like, full panic mode – sweaty palms, racing heart, the works. Even though Ben’s literally the most loyal dude ever. Weird, right? Figured I needed to do something before I ruined a good thing.
The Awkward Mirror Talk Phase
First thing I tried was talking to myself in the bathroom mirror every morning for 15 days straight. Sounds stupid but hear me out. Stood there while brushing my teeth going: “He actually loves you. Stop being a weirdo.” Felt ridiculous on day one. By day three? Still ridiculous but less shaky. Caught myself smiling during this weird ritual around day seven.
The Journaling Nightmare
Bought a cheap notebook next. Every time that nasty fear popped up – like when Ben worked late without texting – I’d grab that notebook and scribble two things:
- What my lizard brain was screaming (“He’s bored of you!”)
- The actual facts (“He texted ‘Love you’ at lunch & brought your favorite sushi last week”)
Seeing my crazy thoughts on paper? Oof. Way scarier than I expected.
The Flinch Test
Here’s where it got real. Planned with my therapist to intentionally trigger my fear in tiny doses. When Ben said he needed a guys’ weekend? Normally I’d text-bomb him hourly. This time?
Left my phone in the kitchen all Saturday. Freaked out. Paced. Cooked up entire horror stories in my head.
But Sunday morning? He came home grinning, tossed me souvenir chocolate, and talked nonstop about missing me. Zero evidence supporting my doomsday predictions.
What Actually Stuck
After three months of this messy practice, here’s what works for my shaky heart:
- Check the evidence, not the fear. Fear lies. Receipts don’t.
- Say the scary part out loud. Told Ben “Sometimes I think you’ll vanish.” He hugged me and asked how to help. Shockingly, he didn’t run.
- Embrace the 3 AM panic. Now I just whisper “We’re doing this again?” and ride it out. It always passes.
Still mess up sometimes. Last week I grilled him about his female coworker. Felt awful after. But instead of spiraling? Said “Sorry, my fear-brain hijacked me.” Progress, not perfection. Relationship feels heavier now. Like wearing armor instead of carrying a shield.
