Okay so I found this clickbaity title floating around last week – “Get Her in the Mood, 5 Easy Ways!” – and figured, hell, why not actually try this stuff? Seen too many dudes fall for vague advice. Time to test it. Spoiler: It crashed harder than my first attempt at baking sourdough.
Starting Point: Total Flop Mode
Last Thursday after work, my partner Sarah was dead tired. I picked her up coffee exactly how she likes it (oat milk, no sugar), asked about her day, gave her space. Basic human decency stuff first. That part? Always works. But then came the “5 Easy Ways” experiment.
The Grand Failure Plan
Started with tip #1: Surprise Gifts. That YouTube bro swore tiny unexpected gifts spark instant desire. Grabbed her favorite fancy tea brand on Friday. Did she appreciate it? Sure. Did it create “mood”? She hugged me, said thanks, then buried herself in a spreadsheet until 10pm.
Moved to tip #2: Choreplay. Cleared the entire kitchen Saturday morning without being asked. Scrubbed the sink, mopped, everything. Sarah’s reaction? “Holy crap you cleaned!? Awesome!”. Then she took the clean kitchen as an opportunity to finally bake cookies… alone. Desire level: zero.
Skipped to tip #3: Deep Eye Contact. Sunday breakfast, stared intensely over pancakes like some romance novel dude. Awkward silence settled in. After like a minute she squinted: “You got something in your eye?” We both laughed. Epic fail.
Got desperate with tip #4: Mysterious “Vibe” Music. Cleared the living room, dimmed lights, queued up a sultry playlist some article recommended. Lit candles too. Sarah walked in, stopped dead: “Are we summoning spirits? Also, is that Maroon 5? Hard pass.” Candles got blown out for brighter lights.
Final shot with tip #5: The Smooth “Mood Lift”. This guru suggested a specific wine trick – pour a glass, stroke her neck lightly while handing it over with “intent”. Poured some bubbly, leaned in real smooth… and she instinctively ducked. “Are you wiping a spider off me?” she yelped. Sparkling wine almost went flying.
So What Actually Happened?
By Monday night, burned out on terrible advice, I just talked: “Hey, those tips online were nonsense. I just missed us time.” We ordered tacos, laughed about my awkward eye contact, watched trash TV tangled on the couch.
- Real Takeaway: No magic trick beats talking like adults.
- Sarah’s Verdict: “The cleaning was nice. The neck spider attack? Pure comedy.”
- My Lesson: Real connection beats viral tips every damn time. Also, polished that whole bottle myself. Waste not.
If someone tries selling you “Easy Ways” to hack desire? Run. Far. Got more wisdom brewing kombucha than that nonsense.
